


Danganronpa: Group Chat Havoc

by j0ss



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Also because just deleting them from the fic is boring to me, But Junko is still insane in her own special way, Eventually everyone is added and its awful, Everyone is a pining idiot, F/F, F/M, Gay Rights, Group chat, Hifumi and Teruteru are included because I said so, M/M, There are some pre-established ships but most are being built up, Utter Chaos, lots of swearing, lots of teenage hormonal crap, non-despair, obviously having a chat full of horny kids is a good idea, rat rights, roombas. thats it., what did you expect?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-30
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2020-11-07 21:23:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 24,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20824022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/j0ss/pseuds/j0ss
Summary: Junko makes a group chat at 3 am because she's bored and she does what she wants. Chaos and other fun stuff ensueA crackfic to distract me from the serious fic I'm writing





	1. Chapter One: Morning Chaos

**Author's Note:**

> I'm bored if you can't tell

3:12 AM

_ Junko Enoshima has added Mukuro Ikusaba, Makoto Naegi, and 13 others to the chat _

_ Junko Enoshima has named the chat horny gang _

Junko Enoshima: Y’all look what I made!!!!!!!!

Junko Enoshima: !!!!!!!!!!!!

_ Byakuya Togami has left the chat _

Junko Enoshima: Oh no you don’t mister!!

_ Junko Enoshima added Byakuya Togami to the chat _

_ Byakuya Togami has left the chat _

_ Junko Enoshima added Byakuya Togami to the chat _

_ Byakuya Togami has left the chat _

_ Junko Enoshima added Byakuya Togami to the chat _

_ Byakuya Togami has left the chat _

_ Junko Enoshima added Byakuya Togami to the chat _

_ Byakuya Togami has left the chat _

_ Junko Enoshima added Byakuya Togami to the chat _

Mukuro Ikusaba: Istg if you two don’t stop

Mukuro Ikusaba: It is THREE IN THE MORNING.

Mukuro Ikusaba: I will NOT hesitate.

Junko Enoshima: Tell that to Togami!! He keeps leaving even though I keep adding him back!!!

Byakuya Togami: Just don’t add me back you low life scum. 

Byakuya Togami: I already see you peasants more than enough every day, this chat is just more of a headache for me.

Junko Enoshima: 🥺🥺🥺 Mukuro Togami called me low life scum,,,,,, LOL as if I care!!!!!! STFU Togami and let us have fun!

Mukuro Ikusaba: I hated reading that

Leon Kuwata: lmao Junko snapped

Junko Enoshima: Also Byakuya why are you up so late???? And you Leon????? We have school tomorrow!!???

Byakuya Togami: I don’t need to answer to you.

Leon Kuwata: i don’t need sleep.

Junko Enoshima: Aight I don’t judge

Junko Enoshima: I mean Mukuro is probably doing something illegal rn but do i care? NO!!

Mukuro Ikusaba: Actually I was sleeping.

Mukuro Ikusaba: Which is what you all SHOULD be doing

Leon Kuwata: gimme one reason to sleep.

Mukuro Ikusaba: Taka can read this chat.

Leon Kuwata:

Leon Kuwata: AIGHT GN EVERYONE 

Junko Enoshima: LMAOOOO

Byakuya Togami: You all disappoint me.

Leon Kuwata: lit

Mukuro Ikusaba: If I get one more notification I’m stabbing someone.

Junko Enoshima: Love you sis 😘

Junko Enoshima: Aw she actually did :( that hurted

6:53 AM

Kiyotaka Ishimaru: ?

Kiyotaka Ishimaru: Junko! Mukuro! Leon! Byakuya! You all should not be texting at such hours! It is important for students to get a full night’s rest to guarantee peak performance!

Junko Enoshima: I’m sowwy 🥺

Mukuro Ikusaba: i WAS sleeping until SOMEONE woke me up 

Mukuro Ikusaba: Not naming names.

Leon Kuwata: hhggnbgjgbbghg

Chihiro Fujisaki: ^^^

Makoto Naegi: Oh cool! A group chat! 

Makoto Naegi: Lol Leon

Leon Kuwata: trued

Kiyotaka Ishimaru: ? Leon, are you alright?

Leon Kuwata: tried

Leon Kuwata: tierd

Leon Kuwata: omg hwo u spllel

Makoto Naegi: Do...do you mean tired?

Leon Kuwata: TIRDE

Chihiro Fujisaki: This is so sad

Sayaka Maizono: Leon this is why we can’t have nice things

Junko Enoshima: omg chihiro sayaka hi!!!!!!!

Chihiro Fujisaki: oh hi! :)

Sayaka Maizoni: hey!

Makoto Naegi: I see how it is

Mukuro Ikusaba: That’s rough buddy.

Yasuhiro Hakagure: wait junko got stabbed?? Yall wildin lmao

Junko Enoshima: FINALLY SOMEONE NOTICES

Junko Enoshima: HIRO UR MY ONLY FRIEND

Junko Enoshima: THE REST IF YALL R FAKE ASF I LITERALLY GOT STABBED >:(((((

Leon Kuwata: ytajhgqws

Junko Enoshima: LEON NOW IS NOT THE TIME

Sayaka Maizono: aNd I oOp

Yasuhiro Hakagure: :D

Mukuro Ikusaba: Don’t pity her I stabbed her with a pencil.

Junko Enoshima: >:0

Makoto Naegi: Dang

Kiyotaka Ishimaru: I sincerely apologize for missing your injury Junko! Next time I will make sure to ensure that all injuries are accounted for!

Kiyotaka Ishimaru: However! You all should be preparing for the school day! You don’t want to be late 

Sayaka Maizono: Taka I have rehearsal after school you aren’t allowed to give me detention

Makoto Naegi: Sayaka that’s not how it works 

Sayaka Maizono: Fight me

Kiyotaka Ishimaru: Fighting is not welcome in a school environment!

Sayaka Maizono: Ok fineeee

Chihiro Fujisaki: just,,,,, don’t get in trouble 

Kiyotaka Ishimaru: Yes! Great thinking Chihiro!

Junko Enoshima: Yesssss Chihiro is best girl

Makoto Naegi: ^^^^^

Sayaka Maizono: everyone say thank you Chihiro

Junko Enoshima: Thank you Chihiro

Kiyotaka Ishimaru: Thank you Chihiro

Makoto Naegi: Thank you Chihiro

Mukuro Ikusaba: Thank you Chihiro

Yasuhiro Hakagure: Thank you Chihiro

Leon Kuwata: Thsjj k u Chkhghhhhhhhhh

Chihiro Fujisaki: you tried

Chihiro giggled as he waited at the bus stop. He would never tire of his classmate’s shenanigans, and now that they have a group chat it’ll only escalate. At least they aren’t as bad as some of the other classes. He doesn’t want to imagine having to deal with Nagito Komaeda every day. The programmer shivered at the thought. How does Chiaki manage… 

“Hey Chihiro!” Chihiro looked over and saw, coincidentally, Chiaki skipping up to him, eventually planting herself next to the boy. 

“Oh, hey Chiaki!” Chihiro greeted, smiling at the gamer. The two shared a bus stop, and the two realized their similar interests, so they soon became good friends.

“If you’re okay with me asking, what were you laughing at?” Chiaki questioned, tilting her head.

“Oh, that’s fine! I was just reading my class’ group chat, it’s very chaotic.” Chihiro explained, giggling at the end.

“Ah, I see.” Chiaki replied. “We have our own group chat, and it’s… a handful.” Chihiro giggled at the reply, seeing how it would be.

“Let’s just be glad there isn’t a chat with both classes.” Chihiro said. “I bet not even Taka could control it!”

“Hehe, true that.” The gamer responded. “Speaking of which, where is he?” Chihiro’s eyes widened, just now recognizing the boy’s absence. Said absence was strange, since it was never Taka’s nature to be anything but on time or early.

“Hmmm…I don’t know... I’ll text him!” The boy quickly took out his phone and opened his chat with the moral compass’

7:30 AM

_ Chihiro Fujisaki/Kiyotaka Ishimaru _

Chihiro Fujisaki: hey um, where are you? it’s not like you to be late

Kiyotaka Ishimaru: Ah, I apologize Chihiro! I’m currently at Mondo’s house, as his alarm didn’t go off!

Chihiro Fujisaki: oh, ok! see you at school! 

“He’s just with Mondo again.” The programmer told, looking up at the upperclassman.

“Ah, I see; we should have suspected such. I think their friendship is really cool, how much they trust each other and all that.” Chiaki said, looking over Chihiro’s shoulder. “Oh, the bus is here.”

“Finally!” Chihiro complained jokingly, following Chiaki’s stare. As the two got on the bus, Chihiro immediately heard the banter of Kaito and Kokichi, the yelling of Tenko, Gundham’s nonsense, and various other chaotic noises. The boy sighed and smiled, preparing for another day at Hope’s Peak.

  
  
  


8:44 AM

Celestia Ludenberg: _ @Junko Enoshima _ This was a mistake.

Leon Kuwata: she lives!

Junko Enoshima: I have no idea what you’re talking about!!!

Junko Enoshima: You’re talking normally again??

Leon Kuwata: it was a rough morning

Junko Enoshima: Not to be rude but you had more than a “rough morning”

Celestia Ludenberg: Use What little braincells you have and then maybe you’ll get the bright idea to sleep

Celestia Ludenberg: :)

Yasuhiro Hagakure: DAMN

Yasuhiro Hagakure: DESTROYED

Leon Kuwata: brb gonna go cry and jerk off

Sayaka Maizono: can you like

Sayaka Maizono: not

Yasuhiro Hagakure: you jealous?

Sayaka Maizono: ???? who would I be jealous of????

Yasuhiro Hagakure: uh

Yasuhiro Hagakure: leon’s hand

Sayaka Maizono: blocked and reported.

Leon Kuwata: ;)

Leon Kuwata: :0

Junko Enoshima: LMAO

Makoto Naegi: I’m telling Kyoko!!!!!!!

Yasuhiro Hagakure: MAKOTO NO PLZ

Kyoko Kirigiri: Huh. So there is a group chat.

Kyoko Kirigiri: That explains my phone buzzing last night.

Kyoko Kirigiri: Anyways as the “police” you’re “under arrest”

Yasuhiro Hagakure: PLEASE NO IM SORRY

Yasuhiro Hagakure: TELL MY WIFE I LOVE HER

Kyoko Kirigiri: Your… wife?

Chihiro Fujisaki: leon.

Leon Kuwata: huh?

Chihiro Fujisaki: hagakure says he loves you

Junko Enoshima: AHAHAHHAHAHAHA

Sayaka Maizono: CHIHIRO I LOVE YOU

Makoto Naegi: I-

Leon Kuwata: that’s it im bouta head out

Yasuhiro Hagakure: WAIT

Yasuhiro Hagakure: THATS HOMO

Yasuhiro Hagakure: NO HOMO NO HOMO NO HOMO

Kyoko Kirigiri: … 

Chihiro Fujisaki: i can feel the disappointment

Leon Kuwata: you guys r so mean to me :(

Makoto Naegi: I wasn’t mean to you!

Leon Kuwata: makoto ur my only friend

Sayaka Maizono: that means I don’t have to walk home with you today right?

Leon Kuwata: WAIT NO

Leon Kuwata: sayaka is my friend too

Kyoko Kirigiri: Oh?

Junko Enoshima: Oh?????

Leon Kuwata: what?

Celestia Ludenberg: You and Sayaka are walking home together? Alone? Quite suspicious.

Aoi Asahina: OH????   
Aoi Asahina: I SMELLED ROMANCE AND I CAME RUNNING

Sayaka Maizono: it’s not like that!!

Leon Kuwata: i wish it was :(

Sayaka Maizono: I have standards!

Makoto Naegi: O O F

Yasuhiro Hagakure: dang

Leon Kuwata: AM I THAT BAD??

Aoi Asahina: Awwwww :(

Aoi Asahina: Well back to donuts and Sakura!

Junko Enoshima: WAIIIITTTT HINA

Aoi Asahina: Yea?

Junko Enoshima: hi :)

Aoi Asahina: hiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Makoto Naegi: Wholesome.

Kyoko Kirigiri: Makoto look up from your phone you literally just almost got run over.

Makoto Naegi: I DID?!?!?!?

Sayaka Maizono: Makoto I would appreciate it if you didn’t die

Celestia Ludenberg: Yes… that would be

Celestia Ludenberg: such… a shame

Leon Kuwata: woah there calm down celeste

Makoto Naegi: Uh… should I be concerned?

Kyoko Kirigiri: No.

Leon Kuwata: ohhhh kyoko gettin protective

Kyoko Kirigiri: I will cut you.

Sayaka Maizono: if I can’t fight Makoto you can’t fight Leon

Kyoko Kirigiri: That’s fair.

Makoto Naegi: Alright guys time for class :)

Makoto Naegi: No killing ok?

Sayaka Maizono: wouldn’t dream of it!

Leon Kuwata: im probably going to be the one getting killed

Celestia Ludenberg: Fine.

  
  


12:05 PM

Hifumi Yamada: You plebs are so uncultured

Aoi Asahina: explain

Hifumi Yamada: Gladly

Hifumi Yamada: I have yet to see ONE comment about the glory of anime girls

Leon Kuwata: omg ur so right

Yasuhiro Hagakure: tig bitties

Celestia Ludenberg: If I may, could I request you take this vile conversation elsewhere? I’m trying to eat my lunch.

Yasuhiro Hagakure: tig

Yasuhiro Hagakure: bitties

Aoi Asahina: half of me wants you to stop but the lesbian half of me wants you to keep going 

Leon Kuwata: wait ur a lesbian?

Aoi Asahina: yes? did I not say this before?

Leon Kuwata: no???????

Aoi Asahina: oh oops

Aoi Asahina: well guess this is me coming out

Yasuhiro Hagakure: so no head?

Celestia Ludenberg: She has standards Yasuhiro.

Hifumi Yamada: Ah, I see Miss Aoi is an intellectual as well.

Aoi Asahina: Liking tits makes me an intellectual?

Hifumi Yamada: Did I stutter?

Yasuhiro Hagakure: dis is ass

Leon Kuwata: that’s roughhhh

Makoto Naegi: Uhh does anyone know why Mondo is dragging some kid off somewhere???

Aoi Asahina: ?!?!?!!??!!??!??!!????

Leon Kuwata: RIP THAT KID LMAO

Yasuhiro Hagakure: whos the sorry sucker?

Kyoko Kirigiri: I believe the boy’s name is Ouma Kokichi. 

Hifumi Yamada: Oh.

Hifumi Yamada: If it is he probably deserves it!

Aoi Asahina: Hifumi?! What’s wrong with Kokichi???

Celestia Ludenberg: He’s a little brat. A pest. Quite frankly, I despise him.

Yasuhiro Hagakure: ._.

Leon Kuwata: Ok but what did he do?

Yasuhiro Hagakure: @  _ Mondo Oowada  _ @ _ Kiyotaka Ishimaru  _

Yasuhiro Hagakure: @  _ Mondo Oowada  _ @ _ Kiyotaka Ishimaru  _

Yasuhiro Hagakure: @  _ Mondo Oowada  _ @ _ Kiyotaka Ishimaru  _

Makoto Naegi: Dude Taka’s at a student council meeting

Aoi Asahina: Well there goes 80% of Mondo’s self control

Kyoko Kirigiri: Well, to be fair, Kokichi was saying some rude things about Taka.

Leon Kuwata: oh god that kid’s gonna d i e

Celestia Ludenberg: Oh well.

Celestia Ludenberg: Good Riddance. 

Kyoko Kirigiri: Oh sorry everyone, Shuichi is making me help him out with Mondo and Kokichi.

Yasuhiro Hagakure: Aw :(

Hifumi Yamada: F

Yasuhiro Hagakure: F

Leon Kuwata: F

Aoi Asahina: Ok I know Kokichi isn’t the best person but Mondo could actually like… kill him.

Makoto Naegi: Yea Shuichi is already emo as it is

Makoto Naegi: Killing one of his friends is not a good idea.

Makoto Naegi: I mean, what if someone killed one of us? 

Yasuhiro Hagakure: im too cool to die

Leon Kuwata: yea sure dude

Kiyotaka Ishimaru: @Makoto Naegi Could you please inform me of Mondo’s whereabouts? He’s not at our usual lunch spot.

Makoto Naegi: Uh… 

Kiyotaka Ishimaru: Please excuse me Makoto, I just read the earlier conversation and must hurry to stop the conflict, as it is not welcome in a school environment!

Kyoko Kirigiri: Please do.

Leon Kuwata: yessss taka go get ur mans

Aoi Asahina: AHHHH I CACKLED

Makoto Naegi: You’re very lucky Mondo isn’t active yet

Hifumi Yamada: Mr. Makoto is quite correct. If Mondo were here, your fate would be unpleasant to say the least.

Leon Kuwata: well I guess i’m lucky then.

Kiyotaka Ishimaru: The conflict is resolved! Thank you @Kyoko Kirigiri for the help!

Kyoko Kirigiri: No problem.

Kiyotaka Ishimaru: I also told Mondo about the chat so we can all bond together!

Leon Kuwata: do you want me to suffer?????

Mondo Oowada: @Leon Kuwata what’s ur location i just wanna fuckin talk

Yasuhiro Hagakure: friendship everyone

Leon Kuwata: shut up hiro i’m about to die i need sympathy

Yasuhito Hagahure: lol


	2. Chapter Two: Idiots in Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry to yall who didn't want usernames, I tried to make them clear!

8:12 PM

Junko Enoshima added Monokuma! to the chat

Junko Enoshima: :)

Mondo Oowada: what the fuck

Leon Kuwata: i’m scared

Kiyotaka Ishimaru: Language! However, I also have questions on this character 

Monokuma!: Puhuhu! I am Monokuma! I am a bot programmed to keep this chat running smoothly and assist the mods

Mondo Oowada: the fuck?!

Kyoko Kirigiri: Programmed… Chihiro?

Chihiro Fujisaki: hehe guilty! Junko asked me to help and I couldn’t resist! And I get to be a mod now!!

Kiyotaka Ishimaru: That’s great Chihiro! I’m sure this bot reflects your skills!

Chihiro Fujisaki: yep, this baby has a lot of tricks up its sleeves

Chihiro Fujisaki: for example 

Chihiro Fujisaki: @Monokuma! change @Chihiro Fujisaki ‘s name to /chihack/

Chihack: Tada!

Leon Kuwata: :0!!!

Leon Kuwata: epic!!!!!!!! 

Junko Enoshima: Time to get funky >:)

Junko Enoshima: @Monokuma! change @Makoto Naegi ‘s name to /naegg/ 

Junko Enoshima: @Monokuma! change @Kyoko Kirigiri ‘s name to /makoto’s braincell/

Junko Enoshima: @Monokuma! change @ Sayaka Maizono ‘s name to /my-zono/ 

Junko Enoshima: @Monokuma! change @Leon Kuwata ‘s name to /thirsty af/ 

Thirsty af: godammit 

Junko Enoshima: @Monokuma! change @Mondo Oowada ‘s name to /owoda/ 

OwOda: oh fuck off

Junko Enoshima: @Monokuma! change @Kiyotaka Ishimaru ‘s name to /gay/

Junko Enoshima: @Monokuma! change @Hifumi Yamada ‘s name to /tiddyies/

Junko Enoshima: @Monokuma! change @Celestia Ludenberg ‘s name to /goth gf/ 

Junko Enoshima: @Monokuma! change @Sakura Oogami ‘s name to /buff gf/ 

Junko Enoshima: @Monokuma! change @Aoi Asahina ‘s name to /lesbian power/ 

Junko Enoshima: @Monokuma! change @Yasuhiro Hagakure ‘s name to /weed/ 

Junko Enoshima: @Monokuma! change @Byakuya Togami ‘s name to /sugar daddy/ 

Junko Enoshima: @Monokuma! change @Toko Fukawa ‘s name to /secretly gay?/ 

Junko Enoshima: @Monokuma! change @Mukuro Ikusaba ‘s name to /knifey wifey/ 

Junko Enoshima: @Monokuma! change @Junko Enoshima ‘s name to /junky funky/ 

Junky Funky: Whoo! All done

OwOda: i hate you

Naegg: Haha I like mine!

Thirsty af: this is a callout I don’t like this

Weed: haha

Weed: niceeeeee

Makoto’s braincell: Sad but true.

Naegg: :(

My-zono: This sounds like a username Leon would put

Tiddyies: It only slightly angers me how this is misspelled.

Tiddyies: Of course only with respect Ms. Enoshima

Knifey wifey: ha. ha. ha.

Thirsty af: I have a feeling mukuro doesn’t really think her user is funny 

Chihack: oh wow Junko

Tiddyies: Ms. Fujisaki would you please be so gracious as to change my name?

OwOda: me too 

OwOda: please 

Thirsty af: oh wow Mondo said please

Chihack: haha yea I’ll change them because you asked nicely!

Chihack: @Monokuma change @Tiddyies ‘s name to /sollux/

Chihack: @Monokuma change @OwOda ‘s name to /mondick/

Mondick: chihiro how could you

Sollux:

Sollux: Why.

Junky Funky: AKSSKJJSKSJSKZKSK CHIHIRO THATS GOLD

Knifey Wifey: oh god oh fu

Thirsty af: do I want to know???

Goth gf: Stop this.

Goth gf: Also was this username necessary? 

Junky Funky: yes.

Sollux: I didn’t realize there were so many homestucks…

Chihack: #exposed

Chihack: @Junky Funky did i do it right?

Junky Funky: yassss ur doing great sweety!!!

Chihack: :D

Sugar Daddy: I demand you peasants change my name this instant.

My-zono: skskkskjsndjjcjd

Junky Funky: nahhhhhhhhh

Chihack: hm?

Mondick: you two really said fuck byakuya lives

Sugar Daddy: At least the pig isn’t online

Secretly gay: Ahhh! Master! I’ve been looking for you, and you weren’t anywhere I looked, but I can contact you here! It must be fate!

Sugar Daddy: Ugh.

Secretly gay?: WAIT WHY IS MY NAME THIS

Secretly gay?: I AM NOT GAY. I AM MASTER’S AND MASTER’S ONLY

Junky Funky: or a repressed lesbian…….

Secretly gay?: Gh… I hate you… 

Secretly gay? Added @koko to piss gang

Thirsty af: whomst?????

Naegg: GASP

Naegg: KOMARUUUUUUU

Koko: MAKOTOOOOOOO

Weed: ha makoto’s got a gfffffffffffffffffffff

Makoto’s braincell: They’re siblings.

Weed: OH

Weed: wow i got that wrong my bad

Thirsty af: dude stop being dumb and continue playing w/ me

Junky funky: WHATDKF.DKJFBHB

Mondick: GAYYYYYYY

Chihack: ._.

Thirsty af: MARIO KART

Thirsty af: PLAYING MARIO KART 

Koko: oh wow

Thirsty af: i swear i’m cooler in person

My-zono: He’s really not tho

Thirsty af: aw come on sayaka just admit you think i’m cool 

Thirsty af: or maybe

Thirsty af: something else ;)

Makoto’s braincell: Stop scaring Komaru.

Secretly gay?: Sorry Komaru that these fuckers are so… them.

Koko: haha it’s fine, really! But you shouldn’t talk about your classmates like that toko!

Mondick: get called out

Secretly gay?: They hate me either way, so what’s the point? 

Koko: have they… ever told you that?   
Secretly gay?: …

Thirsty af: oh shit! (oh shit!)

Junky Funky: AHAHAHHAHAHAHA

Koko: You should try to hang out with your classmates! I can’t be your only friend

Secretly gay?: Why not? Do I really need anyone else? Besides master of course.

My-zono: thats kinda lesbian of you Toko

Secretly gay?: Shut up!

Secretly gay?: I’m leaving to find master.

Sugar Daddy: I pray that you don’t.

Naegg: Well… Komaru I hope you can get used to the antics around here

Koko: I’m sure I will!

Koko: I’m just surprised I haven’t seen you Kyoko flirting~

Naegg: KOMARU

Makoto’s braincell: sigh

Thirsty af: speaking of flirting

Naegg: Hit on my sister and I will get Maki. Sakura, and Peko on your ass.

Weed: OH FUCK

Thirsty af: i have never been more afraid of makoto

My-zono: yet another example of leon being desperate

Thirsty af: jealous?   
My-zono: as if

Leon looked down at his phone and sighed. He shut it off, deciding to instead stare at the ceiling. His controller had been abandoned next to him on the couch, allowing Hiro to easily win. However, the game had been paused, and his friend was looking at him, worry in his eyes. 

“You ok dude?” Hiro asked.

“Other than the fact that the girl I like will never like me because I don’t know how not to be an ass? Great.” Leon covered his face with his hands, groaning at his dilemma. Hiro looked to the side, not quite sure what to say.

“Well… you could try not being an ass?” Hiro suggested. Based on Leon’s glare, it wasn’t the best idea, so he continued. “Or… try starting over? Try talking to her more? Gain her trust?”

“I doubt she’d let me.”

“You won’t know unless you try dude. At least if you try, you’ll have that closure.” Hiro replied, not sure if what he said was right. Leon sighed, and looked at his friend.

“How come you’re stupid as fuck when it comes to nearly everything but not this?” Leon said as he grinned deviously.

“I dunno dude, maybe it’s like… something with my ultimate.” Hiro suggested, messing with his hair. “But like, I’m super hungry. Can we go get something?’

“Sure, why not. I’m sure it’ll get my mind off thing.” Leon agreed, shrugging while he stood up.

  
  


11:34 PM

Junky funky: I’m bored entertain me peasants 

Goth gf: You know, people usually say “hi”

Junky funky: Shut up Wednesday Addams lookin ass

Goth gf: Wow so original.

Thirsty af: byakuya who?

Sugar Daddy: Shut up you peasant .

Sugar Daddy: Wait.

Junky funky: AHDKAJSKNXJSHSBDHDHDBSH

Naegg: ehehehehheeheh

My-zono: dear lord

Secretly gay?: Stop saying such things about Master!

Secretly gay?: Also, change my name.

Junky funky: no

Chihack: ok!!

Junky funky: wHAT??

Chihack: toko helped me carry some equipment earlier so I think it’s fair :)\

Chihack: @Monokuma! change @Secretly gay? ‘s name to /fukowo/

Fukowo: I don’t know if this is worse or not.

Koko: aw how cute!!!!!   
Koko: can I call you fukowo?????? Please?????

Fukowo: ……………...Fine

Koko: yay!!!!!

Junky Funky: G AY

Fukowo: Perish.

Mondick: oh damn

Goth gf: Is Junko capable of dying?

Junky funky: nah

Knifey wifey: I wish

Junky funky: HEY

Naegg: Where’s Taka when you need him

Mondick: he’s sleeping rn

Lesbian power: how would you know that??? hmmmmm?

Lesbian power: also 10/10 name picking

junky funky: ty im amazing right

mondick: hes my bro of course we know each other’s schedules

thirsty af: thats gay mondo

mondick: ur gay

thirsty af: well actually im bi

my-zono: seeing him flirt with every person he sees is painful

Thirsty af: cuz you wish i would flirt with you?

My-zono: hell no

Thirsty af: haha ur out of my league anyway

Thirsty af: haha baseball jokes

Knifey wifey: Don’t you not like baseball

Thirsty af: shhhhhhh

Mondick: anyway ur gay

Naegg: Takes one to know one

My-zono: MAKOTO

Koko: shkasfjshdkjfhshkxzshs

Junky funky: AHAHAHAHAH

Chihack: I can’t believe mondo got burned by an egg

Thirsty af: if you and kyoko werent in love id love you makoto

Naegg: WHATDKFJHKFDHKDFJBKABAK

Naegg: we’re not……………..

Goth gf: Debatable.

Mondick: … 

Lesbian power: hehehehehehhehehehehhehehe

Lesbian power: hey hiro

Lesbian power: hiro

Lesbian power: ……………………..weed

Weed: yea?

Knifey wifey: Why did that work

Lesbian power: I have an idea

Weed: huh?

Junky funky: ?!!?!??!?!

Sugar daddy: The idiots are combining forces.

Thirsty af: I wanna say you’re wrong but……

  
  
  


Lesbian power added @Weed, @Thirsty af, @Mondick, and @Naegg to the chat

Lesbian power named the chat “idiots in love”

Mondick: what

Naegg: uh?

Thirsty af: wig?

Lesbian power: introducing: hina and hiro’s safe space for idiots who have crushes! Hiro’s an idiot and im a love expert so naturally we’re the best pick!

Mondick: i dont like anyone fuckass

Weed: uhhhhhhhhhh well

Weed: i’m pretty sure mondo likes taka, leon likes sayaka, makoto likes kyoko, and hina likes sakura

Thirsty af: hina likes sakura!?!?!??!?!?

Mondick: ha lesbians

Naegg: hmmmmmmm 

Lesbian power: WHJAT

Lesbian power: NO

Weed: chillllllllllllllll ill be ur wingman

Weed: come under my wing or something

Weed: let me guide you

Lesbian power: nvm this was a bad idea

Naegg: idk i kinda like it!

Thirsty af: so you do like kyoko?

Naegg: So you do like Sayaka?

Thirsty af: touche

Mondick: i dont like taka fuckasses

Thirsty af: our pms say otherwise

Lesbian power: AND I OOP

Mondick: oh so we’re doing that now?

Mondick: remember when you called me at 3am crying because “sayaka said you had an ok voice”?

Naegg: Oh wow

Weed: hehehehehe 

Lesbian power: nvm nvm this was a GREAT idea

Thirsty af: is it too late to leave

Mondick: if i have to do this you do to

Thirsty af: alright

Thirsty af: but if any of you tell sayaka anything i see here im shoving a baseball bat up ur ass

Weed: what if we want that

Naegg: w h a t

Mondick: hiro what the FUCK

Lesbian power: no thank you

Thirsty af: why are you our wingman

Weed: jk jk im kidding bro

Lesbian power: are you sure

Weed: … 

Weed: no

Piss kink gang

12:52 AM

Chihack: hehehehhehe

Sollux: hjjahsshdhsdjahj

Chihack: hhehehhehheheheheh

Sollux: ahahhahahahasjahkjdhkhdhs

Chihack: ehehehhehehehhehehhehhehehheheheheheh

Mondick: what is going on here

Naegg: I second that question

Makoto’s braincell: I also am curious

Sollux: Chihiro is in a laughing fit so I’ll explain

Sollux: you all know Hajime correct?

Naegg: Yea…?

Makoto’s braincell: Yes

Mondick: is he the reserve course kid?

Junky funky: e w he’s friends with n a g i t o 

Sollux: Ok so

Sollux: Today he came up and asked Chihiro to edit videos for him because apparently he recorded himself ranting

Sollux: So I’m here while Chihiro is editing

Sollux: And this video is,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, so funny

Naegg: Really?

Mondick: send.

Makoto’s braincell: Hmmm.

Sollux: In his first ranting one he mentions nagito t h r e e times

Junky funky: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Naegg: Wow he really doesn’t like him… 

Lesbian power: unless?

Mondick: why are you always here when romance is involved

Lesbian power: you know why ;)

Mondick: shut.

Sollux: ????

Makoto’s braincell: Suspicious.

Naegg: Nope

Naegg: Not suspicious at all

Naegg: hahahhahahahhahahahahhaha

Idiots in Love

1:05 AM

Lesbian power: you idiot

Lesbian power: you absolute buffoon

Naegg: I PANICKED

Mondick: it’s nice to know you’re more socially stupid than me

Lesbian power: welllllllllllllllllllllllllll

Mondick: istg

Piss kink gang

1:06 AM

Chihack: @Monokuma! Change @Makoto’s braincell ‘s name to /kyokowo/

Kyokowo: …

Chihack: sorry i kept thinking you were makoto

Kyokowo: Fair enough.

Naegg: I have a feeling soon we’ll all have a variation of owo in our name

Mondick: never again

Sollux: Here you go

Sollux: No need to thank me

Sollux: ranting_with_hajime_1.mov

Junky funky: Oh my GOD

Naegg: I can die happy

Kyokowo: Don’t die.

Lesbian power: is that a request or an order?

Kyokowo: You can interpret it how you wish.

Naegg: hghghjhjhg

Idiots in love

1:09 AM

Naegg: She….. she told me not to die hgasjhakhdkhsdkhsd

Mondick: dear god

Lesbian power: scale 1-10 how flustered are you rn

Naegg: Uh like a 5? Maybe??

Lesbian power: oh my god youre a mess

Thirsty af: guys im tryin to shleep

Mondick: jack off you mean

Thirsty af: SHUDUYTSUYGDUA

Thirsty af: actually not jacking it for once

Mondick: for real?

Lesbian power: ew penis

  
  


Piss kink gang

1:11 AM

Junky funky: okie guys sleepy time!!!!!!11!!!!!111!1111!!!1

Mondick: what if i said no

Junky funky: i know where you live!!!!!!!11!1!!!!!!!!!

Mondick: alright then

Naegg: Junko you scare me

Junky funky: good!!!!!!!!!!!!!11!!!!!11!1

Kyokowo: I’ll have to agree with Junko, you all need sleep.

Naegg: What about you?

Kyokowo: I’m working on a case right now.

Naegg: But you still need sleep!!

Naegg: If you don’t I’ll come over there and make you 

Kyokowo: Please don’t

Kyokowo: You know I can’t say no to things like this to your face.

Naegg: Nyoom

Lesbian power: 

Lesbian power: alright.

Thirsty af: is it to much to ask to get my peepee succed

Mondick: ok you need sleep

Thirsty af: weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Junky funky: sleep or ill make miu make something to MAKE YOU SLEEP

Junky funky: :)

Junky funky: uwuwuwuuwuwuwuwuwu

Idiots in love

1:18 AM

Lesbian power: OK MAKOTO GO GET SOME

Mondick: makoto has balls???

Thirsty af: hbedkjsdhsd frick time

Mondick: go to sleep dumbass

Naegg: HGJHJHGGFSGDSJHAGJ

Naegg: Ok I’m at her house see ya

Mondick: use protection

Naegg: MONDO

1:29 AM

Naegg: AHHHHH

Naegg: She’s….. Asleep……. Cuddling with me

Lesbian power: OH MY GOD

Lesbian power: SEND PICS

Naegg: AHHH.png

Mondick: damnnnnn

Lesbian power: makoto said big dick energy

Naegg: Ok i’m starting tgk geht tiiiieadlsaf cn.,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Lesbian power: hehehhe

Lesbian power: ok time to get ishimondo together

Mondick: get what now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> have a lovely day!!!!!


	3. Chapter Three: Oh God Oh Fu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Class 77 makes an arrival! Among other things....
> 
> Also me updating in less than a month???

7:22 AM

Goth gf: Dear god do any of you sleep?

Lesbian power: i’d like to imagine that’s a friendly concern but I can feel that you’re just disgusted

Thirsty af: hagsghgsgaaaa celsgttttt

Mondick: not this shit again

Mondick: leon put down your phone and get your dumbass self together

Thirsty af: :)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Goth gf: It’s hard to think he’s an ultimate at all.

My-zono: agreed

Thirsty af: :999(((((9(((((((9(

Naegg: Nagito: ahhh the ultimates are so great!!!!

Naegg: The ultimates: 

Sollux: Uhhhhh what’s going on I just saw Ms. Ludenberg laugh????

Goth gf: I did NOT.

Sollux: You did

Goth gf: Your days are numbered

Sollux: Wait no Ms. Ludenberg- 

Naegg: I made Celeste laugh!! I’m proud of myself!

Naegg: OHSKSKSNZNXBJSJSBZ

Mondick: the fuck

Thirsty af; hhhhhhhhhhghhhhhhhhhh

Lesbian power: HMMMMMMMM

Mondick: oh no

Idiots in Love

7:27 AM

Lesbian power: MAKOTO HOW DID IT GO LAST NIGHT HMMMM

lesbian power: DID YOU GET SUM

Mondick: Hina it’s too early for this shit 

Naegg: hELP

Naegg: HER DAD SAW US SLEEPING TOGETHER 

Lesbian power: AHAHAHAHHH

Mondick: wait isn’t her dad THE HEADMASTER OF OUR SCHOOL

Naegg: yES

Thirsty af: ripplspskskpapap

Mondick: F

Lesbian power: F

Thirsty af: F

Naegg: I mean Kyoko explained to him what happened passive aggressively and he believed her THANK THE LORD

Mondick: surprised you’re still alive

Naegg: Same

Horny Gang

7:26 AM

Gay: Good morning everyone! I hope everyone got a full night’s rest and is ready for the day!

Thirsty af: hgdsjfhbc,jsefysdjvdhb

Gay: Ah, I guess not

Gay: Excuse me, could someone explain why I am “Gay”?

Junky funky: AJSHDAHJSDJAHBSCJAHDBJ

Mondick: bro,,,,,,,

Mondick: there were so many better ways you could’ve said that

Gay: I mean, I am gay, but I’d rather not have that so front and center.

Gay: So, if you can, please change my name to something more appropriate for me!

Junky funky: Wait gay????

Lesbian power: ANOTHER WIN FOR THE GAYS

Gay: Uh….. yes?

Gay: Ah, my apologies! It must have slipped my mind to come out to everyone.

Naegg: You don’t have to apologize for that Taka! :)

Lesbian power: AGREED

Junky funky: Yaaaa!!!!!! Totes!

Sollux: It’s not 2d girls but I still can respect that.

Goth gf: This explains a lot.

Gay: Elaborate please!

Goth gf: No.

Gay: Alright!

Junky funky: @Monokuma! Change @Gay’s name to /takalot/

Takalot: I’m afraid I do not understand.

Junky funky: say it out loud dude!!!!!!!

Takalot: Ah, I see! A play on my name, how clever!

Mondick: wait what

Idiots in Love

7:30 AM

Mondick: HE’S FUCKING W HA T

Mondick: FUCK GODDAMN SHIT

Lesbian power: here we see a gay breakdown

Mondick: i,,,,,,,,, i thought he was straight this whole time

Naegg: Mondo you have a chance!

Mondick: hahhahhaha no

Naegg: Yes!!

Mondick: no

Thirsty af: bruh shut ur gay hes gay boom gay bbies

Thirsty af: math

Weed: what he said 

Thirsty af: hell yea bruh

Weed: hella hell yea

Thirsty af: hella

Mondick: oh my GOD ok just SHUT UP

Naegg: I don’t understand your friendship

Lesbian power: i don’t want to

Lesbian power: also mondo believe in urself!! Taka definitely likes you!!

Mondick: only as a friend dumbass

Mondick: I can’t just……. Fucking ask him

Mondick: I’d ruin our friendship.

Lesbian power: well with that attitude you will

Mondick: shut up

Horny Gang 

7:31 AM

Takalot: Also! This chat title is not appropriate for a school environment!

Weed: we not in school tho

Takalot: Still!! 

Takalot: @Chihack or @Junky funky please find a more suitable name as you are the admins!

Chihack: ok dad :)

Naegg: Dad?

Kyokowo: No one say daddy.

Weed: oh my god the popo

Kyokowo: I’m a detective but go off I guess.

Naegg: Wait since when did Kyoko speak twitter??

Kyokowo: Blame Sayaka.

Thirsty af: Sayaka be like “SKSKSKSKKS and I oop hahah sskskk”

My-zono: shut up skinny penis

Thirsty af: wouldn’t you like to know ;)

My-zono: I really wouldn’t 

Naegg: Sayaka is an egirl????? 

Kyokowo: VSCO girl actually 

My-zono: wait no!! I just like to say it!!! 

Weed: egirl egirl egirl egirl

Takalot: ???

Chihack: ah… I’ll tell you what it means Taka 

Chihack: also!!

Chihack has named the chat Ultimate Weenies

Chihack: epic!

Takalot: Yes, very epic(?)

My-zono: this is so wholesome

Junky funky: yo!!!!!!! SAYAKA I could give you a VSCO MAKEOVER!!!!!! >:D

My-zono: ._.

My-zono: going over to your dorm rn 

Naegg: Oh my god

Junky funky: @Goth gf Join us.

Goth gf: And why should I join? 

Junky funky: Because ur good at makeup and you’re part of our class too!!!!!!! Duh!!!!! :P

Goth gf: I have better things to do.

Mondick: Byakuya kin

Goth gf: Another person on my hit list. :)

Mondick: Isn’t that Mukuro’s thing??

Junky funky: She totes has one but she’s too pussy to do anything LOL anyway Celeste I’m coming to collect you 

Goth gf: Do not.

Junky funky: WEEEEEE!!!!!!

Weed: D

Junky funky: GDI

Thirsty af: haha weed 

My-zono: are you high

Thirsty af: ,,,,,,,,,

  
  
  


1:46 PM

My-zono added @Nekumaru Nidai to the chat

My-zono: @Nekumaru Nidai Leon’s skipping lab

My-zono: He’s in the music hall.

My-zono: collect him

Thirsty af: SAYAKA NO

Nekumaru Nidai: AHHH!!!!! I see! I was wondering where he was!!

Nekumaru Nidai: Thank you for informing me….?

My-zono: Sayaka

Nekumaru Nidai: Ah, Sayaka! Leon talks about you a lot!!!!

Thirsty af: NEKUMARU 

My-zono: what?

Thirsty af: IGNORE THAT

Buff gf: I will take care of Leon Nekumaru

Buff gf: No offense, but you are ... a bit too friendly.

Weed: She speaks!

Nekumaru Nidai: Thank you……?

Buff gf: Sakura 

Nekumaru Nidai: SAKURA!!!!!!

Thirsty af: wait no hshajshajshhs

Buff gf: Please don’t struggle Leon, I was helping Hina with swimming techniques, and I’d much rather be doing that. 

Thirsty af: hghghshahs fine

My-zono: since when did you keysmash?

Fukowo: Shut UP, some of us are trying to actually develop and exceed at our talents.

Fukowo: Not like any of your actually care about me or my talent…. 

My-zono: sorry Toko!!! Leon’s being himself again

Thirsty af: :((((((((

Buff gf: Leon doesn’t weigh as much as I thought he would, especially for a baseball player.

Lesbian power: duh he’s a twink 

Thirsty af: TWUNK

Thirsty af: also Sakura u mega stronk soooooo 

Buff gf: You make a fair point.

Buff gf: Also I will be confiscating your phone so you can focus.

Thirsty af: WHATTTT

Weed: F

My-zono: sorry Leon but you should practice your actual talent

Nekumaru Nidai: Agreed!

Nekumaru Nidai: So! …….. Should I go take my leave now?

Weed: wait no stay ur cool

Weed: ur not mean like the blondie

Nekumaru Nidai: Uh…. okay!!!!!! It’ll be a little weird being the only one from my class here, but I’m a team manager! I can handle it!!!!!!!

My-zono: we can add some of your classmates!!

My-zono: later though, my researcher is glaring at me :(

Fukowo: Yes, please stop talking.

Nekumaru Nidai: Alright then!!!!! Time to TAKE A SHIIIIIIITTTTTTTT

Weed: what the fuck

Junky funky: @Monokuma! change @Nekumaru Nidai’s name to /big daddy/

Weed: WHAT THE FUCK

Junky funky: lowkey he’s kinda daddy 

Junky funky: like NGL he could STEP ON ME DJJSHDJSJS

Fukowo: Can you… not.

  
  


4:30 PM

Thirsty af: me when soda sticks it in~

Lesbian power: WHAVGASTAYAHJANA

Naegg: Leon?!?!??!?

Knifey wifey: And Junko wonders why I don’t talk on here

Knifey wifey: Other than the fact that I don’t care… 

Mondick: LEON GETS DICK????!?!?!!?! WHAT

Takalot: Leon!!!!! This is not appropriate! However, please at least tell me you use protection.

My-zono: Soda? Really? Kinda low standards there… 

Goth gf: Sigh.

Sollux: Hm. It seems Mr. Kuwata may be the main character of my next doujinshi… 

Sollux: I’m joking.

Weed: BRO???

Thirsty af: WHAT THE FUCK

Thirsty af: GUYS I SWEAR THAT WASNT ME

Thirsty af: ON GOD THAT WAS IBUKI

Thirsty af: HI THIS IS SODA AND I CAN CONFIRM I DID NOT STICK ANYTHING INSIDE OF LEON 

Kyokowo: I can see Ibuki laughing so I can confirm this.

Weed: IM CRYING LEON ALMOST GOT DICKED

Mondick: thank god I don’t know how I’d feel if leon lost his virginity before I did

Chihack: I… 

Chihack: I don’t like this

Junky funky: Ope Ibuki made Chi sad EXECUTION TIME

Junky funky: or I can get mikan~~~~~

Junky funky: oh wait spoilers

Knifey wifey: Junko…

Junky funky: shut up I didn’t mean to!!!! Stupid!!!!!

Chihack: wait what?

Naegg: I am so confused… 

Buff gf: I am concerned for many people right now. 

Junky funky added Ibuki Mioda to Ultimate Weenies

Junky funky: You will pay for your crimes. >:0

Ibuki Mioda: KYAAAAAAAA!!!!!!! WHAT DID IBUKI DO???!!!! GLGLGFBBGLLGLGB

Thirsty af: ur a meanie head :(

Naegg: Haha Leon you sound five

Ibuki Mioda: WAAAAIIIIITT!!!!! IBUKI ONLY MEANT IT AS A JOKE!!!! A HAHA!!!! PLEASE SPARE IBUKI!!!! IBUKI HAS SO MUCH TO LIVE FOR!

My-zono: don't kill my music buddy!!

Thirsty af: yea actually don’t kill her she’s my punk rock jam buddy 

Junky funky: UGHHHHHH

Junky funky: FINE. uwu

Buff gf: I would not have allowed murder anyway. I would even sacrifice myself to preserve others’ safety. You are safe Ibuki.

Lesbian power: except Sakura isn’t allowed to die >:(

Buff gf: Ah…. I see

Lesbian power: :D!!

Ibuki Mioda: AHHHH YOU ARE SO NICE TO IBUKI BUFF LADY!!!!!!! IBUKI APPRECIATES YOU VERRRYYYY MUCH!!

Kyokowo: So am I right to assume we are slowly adding class 77?

My-zono: I guess soooooo

My-zono: not that I’m complaining!

Ibuki Mioda: CAN IBUKI ADD SOME FRIENDS!!?!!?!??

Chihack: of course! :)

Ibuki Mioda added Imposter, Mikan Tsumiki, and 1 other to Ultimate Weenies

Ibuki Mioda: IBUKI SAYS WELCOME FRIENDS!!!

Imposter: Uh… What is this exactly?

Junky funky: This is group chat dummy!1!1!!!1!!1!!!!! All kinds of shenanigans!!!1!1!

Imposter: I see.

Ibuki Mioda: PLLEAAASE STAY!!! IBUKI WILL BE SAD IF YOU GO

Imposter: … Fine.

Mikan Tsumiki. Uuhm why amm i hhere,,,,,,,??

Weed: why do u type like that

Mikan Tsumiki: aah I’m soorry!!! i ttend to trremblee wwhen i tyype,,,,,,,

Ibuki Mioda: IBUKI SAYS IT IS OKAY MIKAN!!!!! YOU ARE TRYING YOUR BEST!!!!!!

Mikan Tsumiki: aah thannkk youu ibbuki!!!! 

Hiyoko Saionji: Ugh, why did I have to be put into a lame stupid chat with this ugly pig? It’s really unfair!!

Weed: AHHHH ITS THE MEAN BLONDIE

Mikan Tsumiki: ooh,,,,,,,

Hiyoko Saionji: Ahhh it’s a stupid lame bastard boy!!!! Who can’t even pass high school!!!! 

Thirsty af: HEY!! don’t talk to my bro like that 

Hiyoko Saionji: When you get a stable relationship, sure

My-zono: oh damn

Junky funky: omg I LOVE this one

Knifey wifey: Junko I don’t think you should say that… 

Junky funky: SHUT UP

Hiyoko Saionji: SHUT UP

Junky funky: omg!!!!!!!!

Knifey wifey: Why do I even try

Weed: maybe you just need weed 

Knifey wifey: Don’t talk to me.

Weed: :( 

Thirsty af: btw I’m still recovering 

Hiyoko Saionji: Whatever I’m hanging out with big sis Mahiru 

Hiyoko Saionji: Later losers and fat ugly Mikan

Mikan Tsumiki: iim sorryy!! 

Naegg: Why are you apologizing??

Mikan Tsumiki: ii feeel bad ffor maakinng her be arroundd soomeonne llike meeee,,,,,,,,,,,

Mikan Tsumiki: bbut ii undderstannd wwhy shhe sayys ittt,,,,,,,,,

Ibuki Mioda: IBUKI IS DECIDING TO COME OVER TO MIKAN’S DORM!!

Ibuki Mioda: PREPARE FOR HUGS!!!!!!!!!!

Mikan Tsumiki: aah!!!!

Thirsty af: well that was something

Weed: is she gone

Thirsty af: yes hiro

Naegg: I’m… concerned

Junky funky: wtf no I LOVE THIS ADDITION

Knifey wifey: That’s not a good sign.

Takalot: Many things Hiyoko said were not appropriate to say to another student! I’ll have to talk to her on behavior.

Mondick: bro for your safety do not

Takalot: Mondo, it is my duty as Ultimate Moral Compass to help everyone stay on the right and just path!

Mondick: ik bro but…. what if you got hurt?

Takalot: I’d be ok bro! I’ve handled worse!

Mondick: That’s so manly bro… 

Lesbian power: oh my god get a room

Takalot: ?

Idiots in Love

4:43

Mondick: HINA I SWEAR TO FUCK

Lesbian power: IM SORRY I COULDNT HELP ITTTTTT

Mondick: you are very fucking lucky you are friends with Sakura 

Lesbian power: hghgabshshahshah

Thirsty af: ngl that was kinda gay tho

Thirsty af: do you guys just like

Thirsty af: get into a “bro zone” and that’s all you can focus on????

Weed: i think ur onto something 

Mondick: i hate all of you

Ultimate Weenies 

4:43

Chihack: just ignore Hina Taka

Mondick: yes please do

Takalot: Uh, sure…? 

Junky funky: dang it was just getting steamy too

Knifey wifey: like a sauna?

Junky funky: HEY NO SPOILERS

Thirsty af: ??????? what do you mean???????

Weed: yea im also confused 

Mondick: i actually don’t want to know. at all.

Naegg: Agreed… 

Kyokowo: I have a feeling we sincerely should not know or try to find out.

Naegg: Hm well Kyoko says not to so!

Lesbian power: (whipped)

Mondick: PFFFFFFT

My-zono: HINA NO

Thirsty af: AHJJSHSGSJKSHS

Naegg: W?????? What does that mean???????

Kyokowo: Sigh.

Lesbian power: Is it just me or do I see Kyoko blushing?????

Kyokowo: It’s just you.

Lesbian power: WOW that blush disappeared fast

Takalot: I would also like to know what “whipped” is!

Weed: it’s what mondo is

Mondick: I will not hesistate to beat the shit out of you

My-zono: hesistate

Weed: hesistate 

Thirsty af: hesistate

Mondick: fuck off

Naegg: hesistate

Junky funky: hesistate

Knifey wifey: …...hesistate 

Lesbian power: hesistate

Mondick: literally die 

Takalot: Mondo! Do not wish death upon our classmates!

Mondick: fuck 

Mondick: fine

Lesbian power: WH IPPED

Mondick: and you aren’t?

Lesbian power: damn…. 

Naegg: … Still don’t know what it means

Weed: good.

Lesbian power: ??? hiro used punctuation?????

Thirsty af: OH SHIT

Weed: what’s punctuation 

Lesbian power: I-

My-zono: how did you pass 1st grade

Weed: fuckin idk

Thirsty af: same

Mondick: why do i call you guys my friends

  
  


2:45 AM

Ultimate Weenies

Weed: what if worms had limbs would that be weird or what

Kyokowo: Go to sleep.

Thirsty af: @Sollux write me a worms with limbs thing

Sollux: Disgusting.

Sollux: What’s your price?

Lesbian power: ??????

Lesbian power: y’all wake me up for THIS????

Thirsty af: hm. let’s discuss in the morning

Sollux: Alright. 

Sollux: Now Mr. Kuwata, I would advise you to get sleep.

Sollux: And the same for Mr. Hakagure and Ms. Kirigiri.

Weed: dude no im vaping

Kyokowo: Perhaps.

Lesbian power: Where’s Sakura when you need her… 

Thirsty af: gay

Lesbian power: no u 

Weed: oh my god hina killed leon 

Junky funky: that’s not how it’s supposed to go!!!!! :(

Thirsty af: yo what the fuck does that mean

Junky funky: upupupupup >:)

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope y’all enjoyed and have a lovely day!! uwuwuwuwuwuwuwu


	4. Chapter Four: What have I done

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy this mess of a chapter!

9:23 AM

  
  


Mondick: WHAT THE FUKC

Takalot: EXCUSE ME! WHOEVER DID THIS PLEASE SAY SO AND TURN IT OFF!!

Naegg: ?????

Thirsty af: i’m s c a r e d

Lesbian power: did hiro put weed in the vents??

Weed: did i??????

Mondick: NO 

Mondick: ITS SO MUCH WORSE

Takalot: It seems to be ... a contraption of sorts, but…

Mondick: SOMEONE PUT KNIVES ON A ROOMBA A SET IF FREE

Thirsty af: WHAT

Lesbian power: PFFFT AJKANSJSHSBXJ OH MY GOD

Weed: I SWEAR IT WASNT ME

Naegg: ?!?!??

Kyokowo: Is anyone hurt?

Takalot: Uh, yes actually! I was scraped by this “roomba”.

Mondick: Bro!!! You’re hurt?!?!??? Why didn’t you say so!!!! 

Mondick: Someone get the fucking nurse NOW.

Weed: mondo ain’t fuckin around

Junky funky: Oh my!!!! 

Junky funky: How interesting!!!!! :D

Mondick: Junko add the FUCKING nurse she isn’t in the nurses office

Junky funky: shes….. already added??? The nurse is Mikan

Mondick: @Mikan Tsumiki @Mikan Tsumiki @Mikan Tsumiki @Mikan Tsumiki @Mikan Tsumiki

Takalot: Mondo, this really isn’t necessary.

Mikan Tsumiki: ahhhhgg! I’m sso sorryy! Ill go tto the nuursees offfcie rightt noeww!!! 

Mikan Tsumiki: ppleasee doont hghate mme!

Thirsty af: ngl that was hard to read

Thirsty af: AHHHHSKSJSHSJ

Weed: What?!

Thirsty af: THE ROOMBA FOUND ME

Naegg: RIP

My-zono: UM WHAT THE HELL IS THIS

Naegg: SAYAKA DONT SWEAR

My-zono: sorry Makoto 

My-zono: but,,,,,,

My-zono: w h y

Thirsty af: SAYAKA HELP MEEEE

My-zono: how?!?! It’s covered in knives!! rather not get stabbed!

Thirsty af: WELL I DONT WANT TO EITHER

Thirsty af: AHH FUCK IT GOT ME OW FUXK

Mikan Tsumiki: uuhm!

Mikan Tsumiki: anyyonr whjo iss huett ppleasr go tto tgee nursessess officr!!

Mikan Tsumiki: ssorry

My-zono: Brb gonna help Leon so he stops complaining 

Thirsty af: it hurrtsssss 

Hiyoko Saionji: Haha oh wow! The fat pig sure is stuttering a lot! Don’t fuck anyone up idiot 

Mikan Tsumiki: uhhg illl try 

Hiyoko Saionji: Shut up! 

Junky funky: hey lol I think there’s more than one roomba

Junky funky: HAHA!!!! CRAZY!

Weed: MORE THAN ONE?!?! 

Naegg: Uh… 

Kyokowo: This is peculiar.

Kyokowo: Although I think we can deduce it was made by one of the technological ultimates.

Kyokowo: So either Miu, Kazuichi, or Chihiro.

Lesbian power: WHY IS THERE A KNIFE COVERED ROOMBA AND WHY DID IT NEARLY HIT MAKOTO

Naegg: It w h a t .

Lesbian power: ALSO WHY ARE WE IGNORING THAT LEON AND SAYAKA WERE ALONE IN THE SAME ROOM

Lesbian power: PRETTY SUS

Naegg: I’m scared for my life

Weed: bitch me too

Lesbian power: damn so we ARE ignoring it??

Ibuki Mioda: AHHH!!!!! THE ROOMBAS ARE FINALLY TAKING OVER!!!! PLEASE DONT KILL IBUKIIIIIIII

Imposter: Ibuki calm yourself, it’s nothing but a roomba. You are superior and safe.

Ibuki Mioda: AHHH!!!!! PEKO HAS HER SWORD OUT!!

Weed: oh god

Mondick: shes out for blood damn

Kyokowo: I have a feeling Fuyuhiko got hurt… 

Junky Funky: Haha yea they’re like, dating right?

Junky Funky: Fuck buddies??

Junky funky: OHHH I WONDER WHO TOPS??? I mean Fuyu has top energy but he’s so smallllllll

Lesbian power: and y’all think I’m bad

Mondick: you are, this is just fuckin worse

Imposter: Now I have that image in my head… 

Ibuki Mioda: IBUKI CAN CONFIRM THAT PEKO AND FUYUHIKO ARE NOT FUCK BUDDIES!! IBUKI IS A MASTER SPY SO I WOULD KNOW!

Mondick: I can tell

Monokuma!: Puhuhu! Hello everyone, I’m back and better than ever! I have received updates to be the best possible chaotic bot! 

Mondick: the fuck?

Chihack: hi everyone!

Chihack: Ah… bad time for the update I see… 

Naegg: Hey Chihiro! You may wanna read the chat

Kyokowo: I also have some questions for you.

Chihack: Huh? did I do something?

Kyokowo: I’m sure you didn’t.

Weed: If it was Chihiro I’ll scream

Chihack: ??? 

Chihack: oh

Chihack: oh no

Weed: OH NO

Mondick: no way

Kyokowo: So do you have something to do with this?

Chihack: well i didn’t make it, but i know who did

Chihack: if you can’t already guess

Kyokowo: Ah.

Kyokowo: Miu and Souda? 

Chihack: Yea…

Mondick: hope they like the hospital 

Weed: hol up-

Naegg: Mondo no!

Lesbian power: oh god taka is gone he can’t be stopped by his whipped-ass 

Lesbian power: there’s no stopping him now

My-zono: Hi just read the chat Taka says don’t do that

Mondick: F U C K

My-zono: also there’s a lot of people in the infirmary and Mikan is kinda overwhelmed so if any of you can help that’d be appreciated! 

Lesbian power: coming now!

Weed: that’s what she said

Lesbian power: This is why I will never date you

Weed: :(

Naegg: That’s is… unfortunate 

Naegg: Also I can go help! I might not be much help though…

Kyokowo: Any help is help Makoto. I will also join you in assisting Mikan.

Lesbian power: Ew straight people

Weed: are you tenko 

Lesbian power: you could never amount to her raw power

Lesbian power: n e v e r

Chihack added Miu Iruma and Kazuichi Souda to the chat

Chihack changed (2) names

Naegg: No list of name changes?

Chihack: nope! I changed that in the update

(I also got lazy)

Miubs: Eh?! What do you virgins want???

Sodass: hm? what’s up?

Sodass: ACHHHSJSJJAH

Mondick: oh my GOD 

Miubs: AHAHHAHA MY NAME. It. It sounds like…. 

Kyokowo: I’m cutting to the chase. Stop the roomba you made before it kills everyone.

Sodass: IT ESCAPED!?!?!??!?!?!

Miubs: YOU DUMBASS WHAT DID YOU DO

Sodass: I DIDNT DO ANYTHING!!!! I HAVENT BEEN IN OUR LAB ALL DAY I SWEAR

Miubs: YOU BETTER NOT BE LYING LIMP DICK!!

Sodass: I DONT HAVE A LIMP DICK!!

Chihack: Wait.. you two didn’t set it free?

Lesbian power: Then who did?

Sugar Daddy: My money is on Nagito.

Sugar Daddy: I forgot how unpleasant my name was. Disgusting.

Miubs: Hello daddy ;););)

Naegg: I… 

Lesbian power: AHHHHHHHH

Weed: this makes me :(

Sugar Daddy: 

Naegg: Oh no he’s typing

Sodass: Miu I think you made a mistake

Miubs: Psssshhhh I never make mistakes!!

Sugar Daddy: You think you’re funny? You think you have the right to say that to me? You think you have rights at all? You are nothing more than another low-life below me, as you were meant to be. You were born to be below me, act like it. Never forget who the fuck I am. I am the heir to the fucking Togami family. My hair is worth more than you’ll ever be. More than the next three generations of your family will ever be worth. Do not mess with me, thot.

Miubs: I...I 

Miubs: You… 

Miubs: 

Sodass: you broke her

Fukowo: I wish Master would talk to me like that… 

Lesbian power: have you been lurking this entire time?

Fukowo: No… why would I do that? I’ve been hanging out with Komaru.

Naegg: Tell her to reply to my good morning text >:(

Ibuki Mioda: IBUKI SAYS: GET OFF YOUR PHONES AND HELP MIKAN! 

Fukowo: You’re… on your phone…. 

Ibuki Mioda: KYAAAAA!!!!! I’VE BEEN OUTSMARTED!!!!!!!! *DEAD*

Miubs: Oh my GOD you virgins still haven’t named everyone?? Pussies

Miubs: Cheerio make me admin so I can go ham on these butts

Junky funky: Ohhh I can tell this will be FUN

Chihack: oh dear

Miubs added a fuck ton of people to the chat!

Miubs changed a fuck ton of names!

Chihack; yea... im changing some of these

Miubs: But... they're made by me, so they're perfect!

Chihack changed some names!

G4m3r: ….hm? 

G4m3r: ah… is this a good idea?

Kyokowo: no, but I don’t think there’s a choice

G4m3r: I see.

I hate men: Huh???? What’s this!? Was I added to protect women from filthy degenerates!?

Emo bitch: Uh… so many people… 

Let me give you a robot dick: I have determined this a group chat, meant to help us communicate! Hello! I am K1-B0.

Let me give you a robot dick: Miu! This is extremely inappropriate and slightly robophobic.

Weed: are we just gonna forget about the deadly robot in the dorms or what???

Me-oda: HELLO PEOPLE! IBUKI HERE TO SAY EVERYONE IS TAKEN CARE OF! MIKAN IS SUPER COOL!!!!!!!

Me-oda: HMMM…… I DON’T UNDERSTAND MY NICKNAME, BUT I’LL LAUGH ABOUT IT ANYWAY! HAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

My-zono: Oh!!! It’s like mine! 

Aka-mine-tsu: Hm… a bit of a stretch, but a nice play on words!

Me-oda: MUSIC TRIO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Emo bitch: Kaede!

Aka-mine-tsu: Shuichi?

Emo bitch: Yea… 

Cockichi: ew!! stop being so- ugchhcgc- straight

Cockichi: oh thank you miuuuu~~~~~~ you know how i love me some cckscosdkjdlsks

Naegg: Shuichi is… gay? I’m right, right?

Kyokowo: Shuichi is very gay.

Emo bitch: Don’t fuel him… 

Cockichi: he didnt deny it…..nihihihihi…..~~~~

Aka-mine-tsu: ...We just said each other’s names???

Lesbian power: NO LESB FRIEND COME BACKKKKKK

I hate men: Ah!!!!!! A fellow lover of women! I see you are of cultrue!!!

Weed: oh god the lesbians are joining forces

I hate men: Silence, degenerate. 

Thirsty af: ok im back

Thirsty af: wtf happened here

I hate men: Ew more degenerates

Weed: leon help mesacmndkjadkndc

Sodass: its too late for him…

Thirsty af: F

Sodass: F

Miubs: F

Mondick: F

Me-oda: F

My-zono: hey did anyone ever kill the roombas?

Thirsty af: OH MY GOD I FORGOT ABOUT THAT

My-zono: you literally got stabbed by one

Thirsty af: not important

Gundamn u thicc: Fear not, mortals of this realm! The foretold uprising of unholy machinations is behind us! Thine enemy has been defeated by I, the Lord of Ice, and my most devilish companions.

Naegg: ...huh?

Insert nevermind pun: (Gundham, Akane, Nekumaru, Sakura, and Peko destroyed the roombas)

Insert nevermind pun: Hello everyone! I am Sonia Nevermind, Ultimate Princess

G4m3r: thank you sonia, much appreciated

Insert nevermind pun: No problem!

Avocockdo: damn it i missed hiro dying

Avocockdo: Miu what the hell

Cockichi: fun fact rantaro’s dick is shaped like an avocado!

Sorry: hhuh!? Thhats nnot healtthyy!! Uhm… yyou shoould see aa docctoor… 

Hiyokowo: it was obviously a lie you skank! Get a grip!

Sorry: ssorryyy,,,,,,,

Avocockdo” yea it’s… not.

Cockichi: oh noooo ive been caught!!! :(:(:(:(:( 

Cockichi: also why did you kill the roombas? Those were probably,,,, keebos cousins or something!

Let me give you a robot dick: Kokichi… 

Sugar Daddy: I hate all of this already.

Kyokowo: It’ll be fine, probably.

Sodass: yo Chihiro why is the bot named after your teacher???

Chihack: oh uh…

Vriska: Maybe it’s due to a sudden plot intervention, like an idea hastily put in? That’d be interesting.

Chihack: i thought it would be funny… 

Vriska: Ah,,,,

Vriska: Also fuck you miu you homestuck

Miubs: Get exposed flat chest!!

Cockichi: gamzee is sexy

Emo bitch: Kokichi w h y

Goth gf: Coming online to say you’re wrong and I hate you. 

Thirsty af: what the hell is homestuck

Sollux: Well…

Vriska: Well… 

My-zono: Leon why would you do this

  
  


6:03 PM

Insert nevermind pun: Um… excuse me, can someone help me with something? I’ve been thinking and I just can’t find an answer.

Aka-mine-tsu: Sure! I’d be happy to help!

Insert nevermind pun: What does “thicc” mean?

Aka-mine-tsu: Ah… why do you need to know?

Insert nevermind pun: Well the term was on Gundham’s chat name, and I’m very curious!

Sodass: ah i can help you with that Miss Sonia!

Chihack: [ https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Thicc ](https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Thicc)

Sodass: oh no! I was… too lateeeeeeee

Insert nevermind pun: Hmm… I see. Then the name is correct!

Sodass: eh!?!?  
Insert nevermind pun: Gundham is “hella thicc”!

Sodass: GAHHHHHJDKLADKJADLDALADLKADKLK

Aka-mine-tsu: Oh my

Lesbian power: so smooth… i cant take it… 

Thirsty af: im impressed

Sodass: why… 

Miubs: It’s ok to be flat soda! Ahahhaaha! A new nickname! Flat loser soda!!!

Miubs: Also: if anyone finds a moving dildo do NOT freak out, make loud noises, or touch it

Naegg: I

Naegg: I came here to have a good time…

Thirsty af: so did the dildo

Junky funky: makoto you fucking idiot this is the most fun we’ll ever have

Junky funky: also leon ily but also dont touch me

Thirsty af: wasn’t planning on it

Naegg: Hm. I have decided to be a little bit afraid.

Knifey wifey: As if you have a choice.

Naegg: D: 

Emo bitch: Is it too late to leave

Kyokowo: Far too late, my friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Names:  
Naegg- Makoto  
Kyokowo: Kyoko  
Sugar Daddy: Byakuya  
My-zono: Sayaka  
Knifey wifey: Mukuro  
Thirsty af: Leon  
Chihack: Chihiro  
Mondick: Mondo  
Takalot: Taka  
Sollux: Hifumi  
Goth gf: Celeste  
Buff gf: Sakura  
Lesbian power: Aoi  
Weed: Hiro  
Fukowo: Toko  
Koko: Komaru  
???: ???  
On the bone meat: Teruteru  
Sister snapped: Mahiru  
Long shlong: Peko  
Hiyokowo: Hiyoko  
Me-oda: Ibuki  
Sorry: Mikan  
Big daddy: Nekumaru  
Gundamn u thicc: Gundham  
Hoe-pe: Nagito  
G4m3r: Chiaki  
Small schlong: Fuyuhiko  
Insert nevermind pun: Sonia  
Sodass: Soda  
Owori: Akane  
Avocockdo: Rantaro  
Aka-mine-tsu: Kaede  
Nyan cat: Ryoma  
MILF: Kirumi  
I hate men: Tenko  
Yowonaga: Angie  
Korekinky: Korekiyo  
Miubs: Miu  
Babey: Gonta  
Cockichi: Kokichi  
Momoron: Kaito  
Robo-babey (will be changed to this): K1-b0  
Vriska: Tsumugi  
Himikowo: Himiko  
Maki-roll: Maki  
Emo bitch: Shuichi


	5. Chapter Five: Hina did a thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to go out on Christmas BUT oh well

11:23 PM

Hoe-pe: I’m very very gay.

Emo bitch: Same

Cockichi: nihihi~~~~

Emo bitch: I don’t trust you

Hoe-pe: Ah!

Hoe-pe: I’m sorry, Kokichi took my phone. I had no idea I was in a chat full of ultimates… 

Sister snapped: Oh boy… here we go.

Sister snapped: Huh? This username is strange

Hoe-pe: Really, worthless trash like me shouldn’t even be here. Why should I, someone with such a hopeless talent like luck, be able to see the texts and interactions between you all? It just doesn’t make sense.

G4m3r: Nagito, stop it.

G4m3r: you are very much worthy of being here. talent doesn’t determine that… I think

Emo bitch: That would’ve been more inspiring without the “I think”. Just saying.

G4m3r: ah, sorry. it’s a habit

Cockichi: wow shuichi, judging young girls by what they type? You should be ashamed!

Emo bitch: Huh?

Cockichi: just kidding! that was a lie :):):)

G4m3r: anyway

_ G4m3r added (1) person to the chat _

_ G4m3r changed (1) name _

G4m3r: i use my admin powers to summon thee… bestie :)

AhOJe: Why does that always work?

Hoe-pe: 

AhOJe: Hey Nagito, you gonna treat me normally today?

Hoe-pe: Of course Hajime, why wouldn’t I? Even though you’re a reserve student… I feel your hope. Whenever we are near, there is this intense aura, hope slipping into every crevice, but just enough.

AhOJe: Ah… 

Avocockdo: wow, someone more gay than shuichi

Avocockdo: i never thought id live to see the day

Emo bitch: Rude.

Aka-mine-tsu: But correct

Sister snapped: Nagito can you… not? You might creep people out.

Weed: nah i am definitely creeped out

Weed: almost as much as the one dude with long hair and the mask

Emo bitch: Korekiyo?

Korekinky: I have been summoned.

Korekinky: … What the fuck.

G4m3r: well that is… a unique name

Avocockdo: dont act surprised kiyo we all know you are a kinky bitch

Weed: oh god oh fu

AhOJe: Sigh

G4m3r: did you just type out sigh?

AhOJe: Yes… 

G4m3r: oh my

Thirsty af: all i want for christmassssssss is cooooochieeee

AhOJe: This is it. I’ve had enough for today. 10 minutes in this chat and I’ve already lost it. Goodnight. 

Thirsty af: oh shit

G4m3r: dont worry hes just tired

Sister snapped: mood hajime, mood

Hoe-pe: Ah… I barely got to talk to him… 

Korekinky: You know, I think you will be very interesting to study.

Korekinky: You’re a perspective on humanity I haven’t seen before… 

Avocockdo: here we see kiyo wacking it to nagito komaeda

Thirsty af: thanks i hate it

Thirsty af: also i still want coochie for christmas

Lesbian power: leon please its late, stop talking about coochie

Thirsty af: your user is literally “ lesbian power”

Lesbian power: I

G4m3r: game over

Weed: pssst rantaro wanna go smoke weed with me

Avocockdo: fuck yes

Avocockdo: weed daddy

Weed: hah what

Avocockdo: sorry im severely sleep deprived

Weed: lmao ok 

Emo bitch: … what? That’s not good!

Cockichi: as if you get any better sleep

Cockichi: hm?????? What have you got to say about that shuichi-channnnnnn~

Emo bitch: Does anyone here get good sleep?

Aka-mine-tsu: Me!

Sister snapped: I do, as I have braincells. 

G4m3r: wats sleep

Thirsty af: i try (and fail)

Weed: who needs sleep when you have a fuck ton of drugs

Sister snapped: How did you even get them onto campus???   
Weed: i have my ways

Cockichi: i bet he sneaks them under mikan’s skirt~~~~

Weed: who?

Cockichi: nvm he’s stupid :(

Weed: hey!!

Thirsty af: he’s kinda right tho

Maki-roll: Everyone shut up.

Maki-roll: 

Maki-roll: Miu is a dead woman.

Sister snapped: Hm? What’s wrong? 

Korekinky: Hm… it appears you have never met Maki.

Cockichi: wow I’m jealous!!!

G4m3r: hmm… do you not like your name? 

G4m3r: i find it cute, but you reacted like how others did when seeing theirs

Thirsty af: huh? Maki-roll’s pretty cute

Maki-roll: Do you want to die?

Thirsty af: : (

Cockichi: nihihi~ maki’s only maaaad because she only likes it when kaaaiittooooo calls her that ;)

Maki-roll: Bold words coming from someone within beating distance 

Thirsty af: BOLD WORDS COMING FROM SOMEONE WITHIN CUMSHOT DISTANCE

Emo bitch: ?!

Aka-mine-tsu: I didn’t realize you were gay too lmao

Aka-mine-tsu: But Uh, don’t go after Kokichi

Thirsty af: wait no

Thirsty af: I mean yes I’m bi but

Thirsty af: not into rats

Cockichi: heyyyyyyyyy! 

Avocockdo: are we just ignoring that maki memed?

Momoron: MAKI WHAT NOW

Momoron: HEY IM NOT A MORON!!!

Emo bitch: Hey Kaito

Maki-roll: Dammit

Momoron: !! Miu took my request!!!! Maki-roll!

Maki-roll: 

Maki-roll:

Maki-roll:

Emo bitch: Shes trying really hard to be mad

Aka-mine-tsu: Hehe yea

Thirsty af: can’t believe kaito has a gf but I don’t 

Thirsty af: straight bs

Momoron: huh? I don’t have a girlfriend?? Where’d you get that idea from?

Thirsty af: 

Thirsty af: and I think hiro is stupid

Mondick: he is

Sister snapped: How many people here are lurking?

Korekinky: Somewhat.

Hoe-pe: I hope I’m not a bother… 

Mondick: I guess I’m fuckin not anymore but

Gundamn u thicc: I, the Lord if Ice, reveal myself from the dark void of the night, to be among the mortals of this communication realm.

Insert nevermind pun: I say hello with Gundham! “Lurking” is quite a fun experience!!

Sodass: Eh!! Why are you two on at the same time?!

Insert nevermind pun: We’re having a “sleepover”!!

Sodass: AHHHH?!?!?!

Sister snapped: A boy and a girl, alone together? You better not try anything Gundham!!

Gundamn u thicc: Worry not, capturer of the many realms, I have no ill intent for the dark lady. 

Sister snapped: Hmmm… I’ll trust you for now

Mondick: RIP soda

Hoe-pe: He will be missed… 

Goth gf: I have decided to tell you of my presence. 

Momoron: Tig bitty goth gf??

Thirsty af: oh my god 

Maki-roll: Do you ever think before you type?

Goth gf: 

Goth gf: Sleep with one eye open.

Momoron: Ah!! Maki protect me!

Maki-roll: I have better things to do

Thirsty af: OOF

Momoron: Maki-roooooolllllllll

Cockichi: awwwww so mean!! Maki sure is a bitch nishishishi

Hoe-pe: I thought you said “nihihi”?

Cockichi: eh, it depends

Aka-mine-tsu: Oh my god I just stepped out of my dorm and I can s m e l l the weed

Aka-mine-tsu: ghfjggkhjgk

G4m3r: RIP piano girl i forget the name of, death by marijuana

Hoe-pe: I’m surprised you haven’t fallen asleep yet…

G4m3r: i’m playing a game that just got released so i don’t plan on sleeping tonight

G4m3r: tig bitty villain got me like 

Hoe-pe: excuse me for intruding but… isnt that unhealthy?

G4m3r: yea… but what hajime doesn’t know won’t hurt him

Lesbian power: oh my

Mondick: oh no

Idiots in love

12:02 AM

Lesbian power: i am vry disappointed in the inactivity of this!

Mondick: im not

Lesbian power: :(!!

Thirsty af: i have a feeling you have a scheme

Lesbian power: well

Lesbian power: ive been doing research and ive found many others with crushes!!!

Naegg: Oh no!

Weed: yo leon is it gay if i touch a dudes balls

Thirsty af: hiro this is not our dms

Weed: but im high???

Weed: wait what?

Weed: im high?

Mondick: what the fuckin fuck

Lesbian power: 

Naegg: wait aren’t you smoking weed with Rantaro?? Then that means… 

Weed: fuck i want a burrito

Weed: wait this isnt taco bell

Thirsty af: im getting taka

Mondick: normally id disagree because a bro needs his sleep but

Lesbian power: hiro you are… special

Weed: thanks :)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Lesbian power: anywayyyyy

Lesbian power added @G4m3r, @Momoron, and ??? others to the chat

Miubs: hello, puny virgins! The hell do ya want?

Hiyokowo: huh?! Who interrupted my gummy eating?!

Aka-mine-tsu: You eat gummies at midnight?

Hiyokowo: got a problem???

Aka-mine-tsu: No! Of course not!

Cockichi: OwO what’s this?

Mondick: welcome to hell

Lesbian power: hi!!!!!!!!!! This chat is for pining idiots who i have determined have a crush!

Lesbian power: Everyone say hi! (I know you guys don’t sleep) and don’t feel afraid to talk about your crush in paragraphs!

Naegg: But we already know who everyone is…?

Lesbian power: shut up Makoto

Lesbian power: im aoi, and i melt when sakura lifts me up

Mondick: ha gay

Lesbian: you can go next homo

Mondick: FUCK fine

Mondick: im fucking mondo and taka is kinda fucking cute i guess but if you tell anyone ill beat the shit outta ya!

Thirsty af: wow youre fucking mondo? Gross!

Cockichi: hi fellow homosexual! 

Mondick: i dont wanna be gay anymore

Cockichi: r00d! We’re in the same lab and you insult me? Im gonna cry!

Aka-mine-tsu: I have a feeling you won’t…

Thirsty af: also im leon and i skip practice to listen to sayaka even though she tells me not to

Aka-mine-tsu: Aw, that’s so cute! I always wondered why you did that, i assumed it was Ibuki and her interest in rock music

Thirsty af: shhhh 

Lesbian power: that’s Kaede and she thinks smoking avocados are… kinda sexy

Momoron: Eh????

Naegg: Rantaro?

Aka-mine-tsu: 

Aka-mine-tsu: How did you know that? Are you stalking me?!

Lesbian power: no i just,,,,,,,, happened to notice you composing a song about him

Cockichi: AHAHAJAJSHDKJSHkjs

Aka-mine-tsu: Well, it’s been a good life.

Miubs: Well you better hope Rantaro likes flat chests!!

Cockichi: oh! Oh! lemme guess who miu likes!!

Miubs: Eh!?!?!? Don’t do that! Ehghhghjhd

Cockichi: hmmmmmmm~

Miubs: Ahghghgh… stop!

Cockichi: is it gonta? shuichi? Kiibo? Kaede?? Tenko???? 

Cockichi: hm? hm? hmmmmmmmmmm?????

Aka-mine-tsu: Kokichi, if you’re in this chat, that must mean you like someone. Mind sharing?

Cockichi: why should you believe some stalker girl? Who says i like shuichi?

Aka-mine-tsu: No one said you liked Shuichi… 

Cockichi: 

Naegg: *gasp*

Cockichi: fuck!

Aka-mine-tsu: I knew it!

Lesbian power: hey! Im not a stalker!!!!!!! I asked ur friends and they told me!

Momoron: lol what friends

Mondick: this conversation is fuckin hilarious

Thirsty af: hey what happened to hiro

Mondick: taka dragged rantaro and hiro off somewhere shouting

Hiyokowo: Oh so that’s what woke me up?! I’m gonna rip his eyebrows off!

Mondick: you can try short stuff

Hiyokowo: I had a growth spurt fucker!!!

Lesbian power: all i asked was that you all say your names… 

Cockichi: hey! hey! I know who everyone liiiiiiiiikesssssssssss

Aka-mine-tsu: Oh no

Hiyokowo: Ugh no one cares!

Lesbian power: well see abt that!! 

Cockichi: wellllll egg boy likes gloves in the sun, satan girl loves her best friend, ugly Miu likes keebs, momoron looovvveeesss maki-roll, and gamer girl likes the talentless one!

Mondick: did you have to fuckin give everyone nicknames 

Cockichi: yyyyyes!

Lesbian power: wow ur right

G4m3r: you’re wrong. 

Cockichi: eh?? No I’m nooooot!! She said it herself!

G4m3r: I don’t like Hajime like that. 

G4m3r: however, I know who does

Thirsty af: THE PLOT THICKENS

Lesbian power: SPILL

G4m3r: aight but on pms we gotta have suspense 

Mondick: for fucks sake

Cockichi: heyyy mondo how does taka let you stay up so late?? Does he check in with you?? Do you sleep together???

Mondick: someone shut him up

Momoron: bro we’ve tried

Momoron: also I?? Don’t like maki like that hehe

Aka-mine-tsu: bULLSHIT

Mondick:LIES

Thirsty af:PFFFT 

Cockichi: Kaito I’m the liar, remember?

Momoron: ??????

Aka-mine-tsu: You two are always together, you have a nickname for her, you gave her one of your jackets, you hug her ALL of the time

Aka-mine-tsu: Must I continue?

Thirsty af: damnnnnnn

Naegg: Wowie

Momoron: ok   
Momoron: well

Momoron: you see

momoron: ok maybe i like maki

Mondick: fuckin duh 

_ Lesbian power added @Hoe-pe to the chat _

G4m3r: sorry but you had to be exposed.

Naegg: Wait.

Hiyokowo: You’re joking right?

Hoe-pe: Huh? Chiaki, what are you…

Hoe-pe: Oh.

Hoe-pe: Shit.

Hiyokowo: AHAHAHA I CANT BELIEVE IT NAGITO LIKES TALENTLESS HAJIME

Naegg: What a twist!!

Thirsty af: you know what i kinda guess so based on the gay ass speech nagito gave to hajime earlier

Hoe-pe: Oh…. was I too obvious? As expected of someone as worthless as me… 

G4m3r: stop being so mean to yourself or ill get hajime in the morning

Cockichi: who would top?

Hoe-pe: hhgggghghhhhg

Mondick: i dont want to imagine them fucking. At all

Aka-mine-tsu: You know what. It’s kinda cute. I’ll take it

Lesbian power: wow what mixed reactions!!

12:30 AM

Not the G note -> *plays G note* 

Not the G note: Do you know why Kaito called me freaking out about him “liking maki”? I mean he obviously does but… 

*Plays G note*: Oh lol yea

*Plays G note*: Hina from 77B made a group chat for classmates with crushes and we exposed Kaito

*Plays G note*: Apparently he was unaware of his crush

Not the G note: Oh wow.

Not the G note: Wonder why I’m not there…

*Plays G note*: Weeeeelllllll Shuichi maaaaaaybeee someone likes you,,,,,,,

Not the G note: Really??

*Plays G Note*: Yep! But I’m not telling!

Not the G note: B

Not the G note: But

*Plays G note*: Sorry not sorry!

Not the G note: >:P

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed!!! I should work on my other fic oop-


	6. Chapter Six: My Hand Slipeed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I didn't mean for this to be so long and serious bUT

This is a Danganronpa group chat fic what did you expect 

I’m legally obligated to do this 

Warning: There’s a part of this that mentions suicide/suicidal thoughts. If you want to skip it, there’s a start and end divider

Monokuma! changed ??? names

Monokuma!: Puhuhu! Welcome to Hopes Peak’s “secret spilling” game! 

Monokuma!: I’ve changed all of your names to a SUPER secret, and your goal is to not be found out! 

Monokuma!: In order for this to end, you have to try to guess who everyone is!

Monokuma!: The winner will receive a specialllll prize!! Have fun!

Monokuma!: Oh, also! People who ARE guessed cannot guess anymore!

Has their turds analyzed: Eh? The fuck?

Has their turds analyzed: Ahgshshjsk!! Uhg… 

Peed the bed until 5th grade: Oh jeez… 

Cousin asked him out 3000+ times: what the FUCLKSDJKJFDZN,DF

Cousin asked him out 3000+ times: nooooooo

Was almost in a porno 3 times: ha lol

Jerked off to a car: 3 times????? 

Jerked off to a car: AHAAJSDKAJHFAKJASH

Had a crush on Leon for a week: Is there a reason you are all texting at this time?

Had a crush on Leon for a week:

Peed the bed until 5th grade: Oh wow what a secret

Sold nudes: Leon? Really??

Sold nudes: …

Is a boy: uhm… whats going on?

Has everyone’s undies: w h y

Cousin asked him out 3000+ times: yo WHAT

Caused his brother’s death: fuckin hell dammit shit what the FUCK

Basically prime minister: Hello, is the bot… supposed to do this?

Had a boob job: The fuck??? No!

Had a boob job: aw shite

Taeko Yasuhiro: Ah… Junko, I presume?

Monokuma! Changed (1) name

Junky funky: ughghhghhghghghghhghggghgh

Has a crush on Mondo: Junko! Change everyone’s names back!

Junky funky: um I tried, and I can’t! I didn’t set this up!

Junky funky: also i didnt want to get a boob job thats showbiz babey

Has a crush on Mondo: Ah… 

Was almost in a porno 3 times: damb

Has blackmail on like everyone: What is going on?

Has everyone’s undies: I wish I knew.

Has a fursona: Hey this is not epic

Does nsfw Homestuck roleplay: omg that’s hifumi isn’t it

Has a fursona: nah 

Does nsfw Homestuck roleplay: damn it

Ate dirt until age 13: r00d

Taeko Yasuhiro: Hello Hifumi

Ate dirt until age 13: Hello Ms. Ludenberg 

Taeko Yasuhiro: Your life ends today you piece of shit

Monokuma! Changed (2) names 

Sollux: AAHHHHH

Was almost in a porno 3 times: wha…? 

Goth gf: Do. Not. Ask.

Goth gf: All that is important is that I am Celestia Ludenberg.

Goth gf: That is my name.

Is a boy: Uh,,,, why did you used to eat dirt?

Was almost in a porno 3 times: yea wtf

Sollux: i was a troubled kid.

Has wet dreams about Shuichi: owo?? Awe we shawing secwets??? UwU

Sollux: ew

Has a binder of songs about their crush: Hmmmm (also ACK)

Has their turds analyzed: Oh I know who THAT is hehehehehe 

Has a dick: Oh hello Miu! 

Has their turds analyzed: DAMMIT KIIBO

Jerked off to a car: WHAT THE HELLLLL

Has wet dreams about Shuichi: AHAHAHAHAH THIS IS PURE G O L D 

Monokuma! Changed (2) names

Miubs: Eugh,,,,,, Kiibooooo!!!!!

Robo babey: Did I do something wrong?

Is a boy: that wasn’t his name before,,,, hmm

Why school was shut down for a week: It’s fine Miu! Shit is a great demonstration of one’s health!

Robo babey: Ah… my apologizes! I did not read the first messages, causing confusion!! 

Robo babey: But you should not be ashamed Miu!

Has wet dreams about Shuichi: AHAHAHA TURD GIRL AND ROBO PENIS 

Miubs: Shut up… you!!

Has gotten boners in investigations: You make Kiibo… look at your poop?

Junky funky: oh well that’s so obvious it’s not fun!

Has a binder of songs about their crush: Sigh… Why Shuichi, why?

Monokuma! Changed (1) name

Emo bitch: It just happens!! I don’t want it to!

Jerked off to a car: how tho??????

Cousin asked him out 3000+ times: don’t tell me… the body????

Emo bitch: No!!!

Has wet dreams about Shuichi: hm, whatever. I’m gonna get more people online!

Peed the bed until 5th grade: Haha we’re in danger

Has a severe illness: eh? hey!!!! whoever did this is seriously uncool!

Touched a penis: ah- EGSHAHSJAJSHAH ! !

Owns a dildo: HEELLLOOO EVERYONE!!

Jerked off to a car: how is that not Miu?

Ultimate Assassin: Because it’s not a secret.

Ultimate Assassin:

Ultimate Assassin: Whoever did this, will die.

Does nsfw Homestuck roleplay: That’s… a lie, right?

Has kawaii cat merch: Jeez some of these are… dark

Peed the bed until 5th grade: Hey who have we guessed?

Junky funky: Myself, Celeste, Hifumi, Shuichi, Miu, and Kiibo!

Does nsfw Homestuck roleplay: So many left!!

Has a deceased sister who possess him and tells him to do things to please her also lipstick under mask also slight incest?: Ah.

Cousin asked him out 3000+ times: w h a t

Has a crush on Mondo: That is very concerning!

Miubs: That’s a long ass name!

Insecure about burnt hands: Everyone, we need to stop rambling and figure out who everyone is.

Has a binder of songs about their crush: You’re right!

Has everyone’s undies: I guess we don’t have a choice

Can see ghosts: Oho!! Peed the bed is definitely Makoto!

Monokuma! Changed (1) name

Naegg: How dare

Has everyone’s undies: Makoto wtf

Naegg: I. I can explain

Had a crush on Leon for a week: The only person who would know that is Komaru, Makoto’s sister

Monokuma! Changed (1) name

Koko: Hghghh meanie!

Naegg: Ha!

Was in a porno almost 3 times: WH-WHAT

Has a severe illness: GHOSTS!?!?!??!?!

Cousin asked him out 300+ times: Y’all I found Hiro and Kaito

Does nsfw Homestuck roleplay: Wow that was obvious

Emo bitch: Wait… 

Monokuma! Changed (2) names

Weed: okay before you say anything it was ALMOST and i didnt see any… parts

Emo bitch: But that means… Kaito? You have a severe illness??

Momoron: Ah shit… 

Has wet dreams about Shuichi: :000

Emo bitch: Is… is that why you do practically nothing during training?

Momoron: hehe… sorry bro

  
  


Sidekick! → Luminary of the stars!

Sidekick: Kaito, you don’t have to prove that you’re strong, anyone can see that. Heck, you got Maki to come out of her shell! 

Sidekick: You’re always telling us to confront our enemies, and confide in each other… you can do that too, you know?

Sidekick: I’m here for you

Luminary of the stars: hehe…

Luminary of the stars: i chose a good sidekick

Sidekick: Aw come on, I’m like this because of you.

Luminary of the stars: Jeez, I am pretty good, aren’t I?

Luminary of the stars: Come on, let’s hang out

Sidekick: The usual place?

Luminary of the stars: yea… I need someone to talk to

**Suicide part starts now**

Ultimate weenies

Almost committed sewer slide a few times: uhhmm, ii camnn helplp youyy kkaitoo,,,,,.

Almost committed sewer slide a few times: ahh, mmy nsammee,,,,.,.,.,.

Almost committed sewer slide a few times: HHOWD O YOU U D;ETLTE MESSGAGES

Had blackmail on like everyone: Oh no… 

Sold nudes: Is that… 

Has everyone’s undies: … Mikan?

Monokuma! Changed (1) name

Sorry: IIM SSOORRYY!!!!!

Naegg: Mikan you don't have to be sorry

Has everyone’s undies: Mikan, just breathe

Has decorated dicks like cakes: should someone check on her? I am worried!

Jerked off to a car: usually id be disturbed by the name but… 

Owns a dildo: MIKAN?

Owns a dildo: IBUKI WILL BE BACK!!!!!

Monokuma! Changed (1) name

Has everyone’s undies: I bet Ibuki didn’t even realize… 

Has decorated dicks like cakes: At least we know Mikan is being taken care of!

Has blackmail on everyone: I’m tired of this. I’m Mahiru and yes, I take pictures for blackmail. Souda I would suggest not fucking with me

Monokuma! Changed (1) name

Insecure about burnt hands: Thank you for your honesty

Sister snapped: No problem

IBUKIIIIIo3o → sweetie!!

(y’all remember when ibuki called mikan sweetie in the hope arc? babies.)

IBUKIIIIIo3o: ibuki is going to check on you, okay?

Ibuki was thankful that Hope’s Peak didn’t really care when students came and went, as long as they were ultimates. After all, Ibuki was confident that Mikan would be in one certain, white, quiet place. The musician hummed a tune as she strolled down the halls, but inside she was actually really worried. Ibuki considered herself pretty close to Mikan, and she knew that Mikan had issues but… she had no idea it was this bad. Of course, Ibuki was no doctor, but she still feel like… she should’ve seen as such,

The punk girl came to a halt suddenly, turning to the room next to her. The room’s purpose was obvious, a bright red sign reading “Medical Labs”, with hospital-y decor surrounding it. Hope’s Peak sure liked to be obvious with Labs. Ibuki turned the door’s handle, peeking into the dimly- lit room. 

Sure enough, Ibuki could see Mikan in the lab. She seemed to be filling some little jars, but her shaky hands were not helping her. As Ibuki crept into the room, she noticed the girl crying, and the shaking was not limited to her hands. 

“Mikan?” Ibuki whispered out. Although she was quiet, the noise still surprised Mikan to the extent that she shrieked and tripped on air, landing with a thud. Ibuki cringed and ran over, kneeling next to the girl.

“Ahh… I-I’m sorry for t-tripping… so embarrassing…” Mikan mumbles out, just barely making her words distinguishable. 

“Hey! There’s no need to apologize to Ibuki, okay? You’re ok,” Ibuki told her, changing her tone from her usual loud energetic voice. If anyone else had been in the room, it would have been hard for them to believe it was Ibuki speaking. “Do… do you want to talk about what’s on your mind? Ibuki won’t force you, or judge you either. Ibuki is here for support!”

Mikan looked up, tears rolling down her face uncontrollably, and shakily nodded. “I… I’m sorry i-if I take too long t-to respond…”

“Take your time sweetie.”

For a couple of seconds, the two sat in silence, alone in the dark of the Lab. Mikan was shivering, her eyes darting in every direction. Her eyes at some point landed on Ibuki, and she saw the girl had a reassuring smile on her face. She… she felt like it was going to be okay. Mikan took a breath.

“I……. I feel l-like I’m the worst sometimes… a-at everything…l-like every time I t-try to do something good i-it backfires,” Mikan began to choke on her words, sputtering and crying even more. “All I-I’ve ever w-wanted was to he-help people… b-but I-I’m too much of a-a failure! Why can’t I help people! Why don’t they forgive me for messing up! A-and… why does no one ever stick up for me?” 

The last sentence help like a stab through Ibuki. She was immediately reminded of all of the times Hiyoko had insulted Mikan, pushed her around, all while everyone stayed silent and went about their day. Even Mahiru and herself… Ibuki found herself hugging Mikan as fully as she could, lifting the girl up for the full effect.

“Ibuki wants to apologize, for being a terrible friend,” The musician whispered into the nurse’s ear. “I should have stood up for you, we all should have. It was wrong, Ibuki should’ve seen that! From now on, Ibuki is going to help you with anything you need ok? If you ever need to talk, I’ll be there for you. You will not be alone okay?” 

“... Th-Thank you…”

**Ok it’s over**

???

Ultimate Weenies

Insecure about burnt hands: Alright, now that we know Ibuki is taking care of Mikan, I’d like to instate a rule.

Insecure about burnt hands: To make things easier, those who have been guessed should stop talking.

Jerked off to a car: that’s actually a good idea

Had a crush on Leon for a week: As long as it gets this over with faster.

Does nsfw Homestuck roleplay: So… now we go back to guessing? 

Has a binder of songs about their crush: I have a few guesses… but I’m a little afraid if knowing in some of them

Cousin asked him out 3000+ times: wait… are you Kaede? 

Monokuma! Changed (1) name

Aka-mine-tsu: Fuck

Cousin asked him out 3000+ times: wow I feel smart now

Is a boy: That’s cute!

Prefers peeing in the woods: Hello everyone! Kokichi told Gonta that we were playing a game! Gonta would love to join!

Does nsfw Homestuck roleplay: Oh Gonta… 

Monokuma! Changed (1) name

Babey: ? Gonta no understand? 

Has kawaii cat merch: sigh… I’ll explain it to him 

Has kawaii cat merch: also I don’t care if this exposes me

Has wet dreams about Shuichi: oh my g o d is that ryomaaaa

Monokuma! Changed (1) name

Has wet dreams about Shuichi: I was right!!

Basically Prime Minister: Gonta’s secret… concerns me

Does nsfw Homestuck roleplay: he was raised by wolves!

Jerked off to a car: he w h a t

Has everyone’s undies: Okay I was really hoping I was wrong but jerked off to a car is kazuichi fucking soda

Jerked off to a car: BRUH

Monokuma! Changed (1) name

Has a fursona: i… 

Has decorated dicks like cakes: How disgraceful!

Has decorated dicks like cakes: Also i am quite offended by this! This is no secret of mine! This is a tradition in my country!

Is in love: why the fuck is soda screeching

Is in love: what the fuck!?

Has everyone’s undies: oh for fucks sake

Grew up around pedos: why do i associate myself with you grossies?

Grew up around pedos: someone better explain why my name is this before i fucking snap

Does nsfw homestuck roleplay: Monokuma bot snapped, secret spilling game, everyone is fucked up, yadda yadda… 

Is a boy: So… we aren’t going to acknowledge the… pretty much outed people?

Had a crush on Leon for a week: Sonia, Fuyuhiko, Hiyoko. Bye.

Monokuma! Changed (3) names

Small shlong: any of you fucks say anything about this tomorrow and you die. got it?

Small shlong: this name isn’t any fucking better

Hiyokowo: @Sister snapped

Sister snapped: Got it.

Junky funky: oh so we just ignoring the rules now

Sister snapped: Please. Shut up.

Has everyone’s undies: alright there… a lot to unpackage there but we need to focus on getting this over with or something.

Ate trash: Chiaki lookin ass

Has everyone’s undies: I’m so concerned for you

I know nothing about this bitch: My apologies, I was busy everyone.

I know nothing about this bitch: I think it’s obvious who I am. 

Has a fursona: sup imposter

Monokuma! Changed (1) name

???: Farewell.

Cousin asked him out 3000+ times: is it safe to say class 77A is fuckin weird

Has a fursona: rude

Why school was shut down for a week: They are correct!!

Nutted to Hajime: Hghjkh… this…. 

Cried over cooking mama: we sexie doe~

Cousin asked him out 3000+ times: haha jokes on you this was a plot to weed out 77A kids

Ate trash: weed?

Has a fursona: heck

Sold nudes: ok I’m so confused on who cousin person is because they seemed stupid but now they’re smart.

Sold nudes: also is cooking mama gamer girl?

Cousin asked him out 3000+ times: wow I’m hurt

Ate trash: wait chiaki isn’t cooking mama??

Basically prime minister: Cooking mama is Teruteru. I saw it happen.

Monokuma! Changed (1) name

Ate trash: holy shit

Why school was shut down for a week: Teruteru! Are you okay?

Has a crush on Mondo: He may not be speaking because if the rule Junko instated.

Cousin asked him out 3000+ times: better question why was the prime minister watching Teruteru cry over cooking mama

Has a fursona: u right

Basically prime minister: Not important.

Has wet dreams about Shuichi: oh!! I have an idea!!!!!!!

Has wet dreams about Shuichi: Atua is not real

Has wet dreams about Shuichi: Atua is not real

Has wet dreams about Shuichi: Atua is not real

Has wet dreams about Shuichi: Atua is not real

Has wet dreams about Shuichi: Atua is not real

Has wet dreams about Shuichi: Atua is not real

Has burned down churches: ATUA SAYS THERE HAS NEVER BEEN A HELL, BUT HE WILL MAKE ONE ESPECIALLY FOR YOU, AND MAKE SURE YOU SUFFER IN THE DEPTHS OF YOUR VERY NIGHTMARES, BUT NOT BEFORE SUBJECTING YOU TO THE WORST TORTURES KNOWN TO MAN. LOVE YOUR SKIN WHILE YOU HAVE IT.

Has a fursona: holy heck

Ate trash: Angie?! The?!?! Fuck?!?!?!??

Monokuma! Changed (1) name

Has wet dreams about Shuichi: D:

Yowonaga: Please note that Angie only burns homophobic churches! Gay rights!!

Touched a penis: GAY RIGHTS BITCHES

Touched a penis: OH NO I FORGOT ABOUT THIS STUPID NICKNAME

Does nsfw Homestuck roleplay: Um… I’m guessing that’s Tenko

Monokuma! Changed (1) name

I hate men: I can explain!!!!

I hate men: I had to make sure I was a lesbian

Does nsfw Homestuck roleplay: felt

Does nsfw Homestuck roleplay: anyway can anyone say who’s left? 

Has a crush on Mondo: I will!

Has a crush on Mondo: 77A- Hajime, Chiaki, Nagito, Nekumaru, Akane, Gundham, Peko 

Has a crush on Mondo: 77B- Kyoko, Leon, Sayaka, Chihiro, Taka, Mondo, Hina, Sakura, Mukuro, Togami, Toko

Has a crush on Mondo: 77C- Rantaro, Kirumi, Korekiyo, Kokichi, Tsumugi

Cousin asked him out 3000+ times: fuck there’s still a lot

Has a fursona: I like how so many people in class C have been guessed but practically no one in B has

Cousin asked him out 3000+ times: Cuz were the superior class

Has a fursona: caught you, member of 77B

Cousin asked him out 3000+ times: SHITE

Has a crush on Mondo: Wouldn’t it be best to go by classes, starting with the ones with the least still here?

Insecure about burnt hands: Since you’re advocating for class 77B not to be targeted, I’m guessing you’re part of it.

Has a crush on Mondo: Ah… you caught me.

Has a fursona: gottemmmmmm

Ok I’m running out of ideas rn so this’ll continue next chapter!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for 2000+ hits!!!! That's insane ahh! Have a lovely day and remember someone loves you!!


	7. whoops !not a chapter!

UH hi sorry for not posting in forever I've had very little motivation for this fic lately and forcing myself to write isn't going to produce anything good. I'll try to have a chapter out soon tho!!!!!

Make sure to stay safe everyone!!!!!


	8. Chapter Seven: Hi I'm back from the dead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bruh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This probably has a lot of mistakes oops

Does nsfw Homestuck roleplay: anyway can anyone say who’s left? 

Has a crush on Mondo: I will!

Has a crush on Mondo: 77A- Hajime, Chiaki, Nagito, Nekumaru, Akane, Gundham, Peko 

Has a crush on Mondo: 77B- Kyoko, Leon, Sayaka, Chihiro, Taka, Mondo, Hina, Sakura, Mukuro, Togami, Toko

Has a crush on Mondo: 77C- Rantaro, Kirumi, Korekiyo, Kokichi, Tsumugi

Cousin asked him out 3000+ times: fuck there’s still a lot

Has a fursona: I like how so many people in class C have been guessed but practically no one in B has

Cousin asked him out 3000+ times: Cuz were the superior class

Has a fursona: caught you, member of 77B

Cousin asked him out 3000+ times: SHITE

Has a crush on Mondo: Wouldn’t it be best to go by classes, starting with the ones with the least still here?

Insecure about burnt hands: Since you’re advocating for class 77B not to be targeted, I’m guessing you’re part of it.

Has a crush on Mondo: Ah… you caught me.

Has a fursona: gottemmmmmm

Cousin asked him out 3000+ times: ok so who in our class would have a crush on mondo?

Had a crush on Leon for a week: I don’t know why no one is talking. We all know who has a crush on Mondo.

Has a crush on Mondo: You… all know?

Has a fursona: sorry it’s kinda obvious… 

Is a boy: sorry Taka

Monokuma! Changed (1) name

Takalot: Ah… 

Does nsfw Homestuck roleplay: uhhmm I just realized but you forgot Maki and Himiko on the list, I’m pretty sure they hasn’t been guessed.

Has wet dreams about Shuichi: more people!!1! Well we better get to work!!

Has wet dreams about Shuichi: is there anyone who would like to fess up like Mahiru???   
Has a fursona: uh, i guess i will

Has fursona: chiaki at ur service, and i actually have like three fursonas i think

Monokuma! Changed (1) name

Is a boy: three fursonas, we stan

OWO → UWU 

OWO: chihiro ur boy arent u

UWU: yea ;-; 

OWO: ah no 

OWO: have u found a way to hack the thing

UWU: i’m trying rn but nothing’s working ;-; ;-; ;-; 

OWO: oh wow three crying emoticons this is serious

OWO: hey but im here to talk bro

OWO: unless im asleep if so sorry

UWU: thanks sis :)

Ultimate Weenies

Why school was shut down for a week: This is a bit embarrassing to admit, but I am Nekomaru Nidai, and the reason was I shjnskjfdkjksk

Monokuma! Changed (1) name

Has everyone’s undies: Um???   
Cousin asked him out 3000+ times: Nekomaru fucking died bro

Nutted to Hajime: Sorry to burst your bubble but.... Akane tackled him.

Ate trash: Hell yea I did!!!!!!!!

Ate trash: Wait a moment

Has everyone’s undies: Hey Akane

Monokuma! Changed (1) name

Owori: DAMMIT

Owori: Long story short I had a rough childhood that I don’t wanna get into.

Big Daddy: YEA!! THAT’S FINE AKANE WE SUPPORT YOU ANYWAY!

Junky funky: OK ONE AHAHAHAH I FORGOT I NAMED YOU THAT AND TWO GET THE FUCK OFF FOLLOW THE RULES

Big Daddy: My apologies!!

Has everyone’s undies: Hol up

Is a boy: what?

Has everyone’s undies: Oh nevermind I was about to expose myself

Orange Whore → Sans

Orange Whore: WHJ THE FCK IS SOMONES NAME NUTTED TO HAJIEMS?!?!??!?!?!??

Sans: so u noticed

Orange Whore: IM???? WHAT????!!??!?!?!?

Sans: i mean maybe its nagito 

Sans: who else would nut to you

Orange Whore: I DONT WANT ANYONE TO NUT TO ME 

Orange Whore: UNLESS WE ARE DATING

Orange Whore: IF ITS NAGITO I WILL HAVE A HEART ATTACK

Sans: omg lmaoooo

Sans: look whoever it was either it was a one time thing or they like you so either you both forget about it or you get together 

Sans: probably

Orange Whore: I hate this stupid game

Ultimate Weenies

Is a boy: um

Is a boy: i was told hajime is “has everyone’s underwear”

Is a boy: ...why?

Monokuma! Changed (1) name

AhOJe: CHIAKI YOU FUCKING TRAITOR

AhOJe: OK LEMME EXPLAIN

Has wet dreams about Shuichi: wooooow i was not expecting that!! I really thought you were nagito or something!

AhOJe: SHUT

Junky Funky: NO YOU CANT SPEAK ITS AGAINST THE FUCKING RULES

AhOJe: WAIT BUT

Junky funky: NO BUTS!!!

Junky Funky banned @AhOGe for (3) hours for “Being a BUM”

Nutted to Hajime: Ah… 

Cousin asked him out 3000+ times: the fact that someone who nutted to hajime now knows hajime has their undies disturbs me

Is a boy: oh you’re back!

Has wet dreams about Shuichi: the number of unguessed people online is dwindling very fast, whatever will we do???

Does nsfw Homestuck roleplay: sorry for leaving the fun! I was working!!!

Has wet dreams about Shuichi: working on your next roleplay?

Does nsfw Homestuck roleplay: not important.

Cousin asked him out 3000+ times: yo wtf is a homestuck even

Cousin asked him out 3000+ times: let me just look it up

Does nsfw Homestuck roleplay: wait no

Is a boy: don’t do that…

Does nsfw Homestuck roleplay: that’s just a plain bad idea!

Has wet dreams about Shuichi: hold oooooonnnnnn

Has wet dreams about Shuichi: did you just… describe something as plain?

Does nsfw Homestuck roleplay: um 

Has wet dreams about Shuichi: caught you tsumugi!!!!

Monokuma! Changed (1) name

Vriska: sigh

Vriska: there goes the last of my dignity… 

Has wet dreams about Shuichi: lololololololol

Insecure about burnt hands: Hello again everyone, I see more people have been revealed. 

Is a boy: hello!!

Had a crush on Leon for a week: I hate to talk on here and be reminded of my past mistakes, but  _ someone _ is making me.

Had a crush on Leon for a week: Anyway, shouldn’t someone go get more people online?

Is a boy: um… wouldnt that expose us though?

Cousin asked him out 3000+ times: oh yea lol thats true

Junky funky: ugh ill do it NERDS!

Has wet dreams about Shuichi: hehehe

Basically prime minister: Ah, this “game” is still in place? I’d hoped it was temporary and would go away. 

Basically prime minister: I guess I will particiapte in order to get it over with.

Has known Fuyuhiko since childhood: It would be appreciated if I was informed of why I have to be here.

Past lover is deceased: I am also curious for the reason my username shows this information.

Cousin asked him out 3000+ times: bruh why is everyone so formal

Sold nudes: I don't want to do this :(

Has a collection o sex toys: Hey now, what’s going on

Has wet dreams about Shuichi: We have to expose others secrets to get our names changed!

Has a collection of sex toys: Why… do you sound so excited?

Genocider Syo: Hello.

Genocider Syo: Wait.

Genocider Syo: What’s going on?

Had a crush on Leon for a week: Toko. 

Monokuma! Changed (1) name

Fukowo: Oh no oh no oh no

Fukowo: You promised you wouldn’t tell anyone!

Fukowo: Why?! You promised!   
Fukowo: Why did you make me speak!??!!?!?

Junky Funky banned @Fukowo for (3) hours for “NO TALKING”

Is a boy: ...what just happened?

Sold nudes: Wait did Byakuya have a crush on Leon?!

Monokuma! Changed (1) name

Sugar Daddy: Dammit.

Has wet dreams about Shuichi: HAHAHHAHA

Sold nudes: Woah

Cousin asked him out 3000+ times: yea i thought it was like

Cousin asked him out 3000+ times: sayaka

Monokuma! Changed (1) name

Cousin asked him out 3000+ times: wait what

Cousin asked him out 3000+ times: who

Insecure about burnt hands: I believe it was “sold nudes”

My-zono: haha…………

Cousin asked him out 3000+ times: oh fuck

Stupid → Miku

Stupid: hey uhh fuck im sorry i didnt mean to out you

Stupid: like obvs but

Stupid: ugh i feel awful

Miku: It would’ve happened eventually, it’s ok

Miku: Um… thanks for the concern though

Miku: :)

Stupid: psssh no problem

Stupid: also thanks for not bringing up my cousin

Miku: I thought it would be best to

Stupid: yea its a long story

Ultimate Weenies 

Is a boy: ok since no one is acknowledging the syo thing… can someone say who’s left again? 

Insecure about burnt hands: 77A: Gundham, Peko, Nagito

Insecure about burnt hands: 77B: Leon, Kyoko, Mondo, Chihiro, Hina, Sakura, Mukuro

Insecure about burnt hands: 77C: Kirumi, Rantaro, Kokichi, Korekiyo, Maki, Himiko

Insecure about burnt hands: @everyone If you are willing, please out yourself so we don’t waste more time. 

Is aware magic isn’t real mostly: sigh

Is aware magic isn’t real mostly: nyeh

Insecure about burnt hands: Thank you Himiko

Monokuma! Changed (1) name

Himikowo: what a pain,,,,,,,

Cousin asked him out 3000+ times: ….its time

Has wet dreams about Shuichi: oh my! You’ve been on for like ever!!!!

Is a boy: woah… 

Cousin asked him out 3000+ times: Lean on cool water

Has a collection of sex toys: Oh Leon

Monokuma! Changed (1) name

Thirsty af: wow that was not as exciting as i had hoped

Thirsty af: ok peace out

Has a collection of sex toys: … Okay then

Has wet dreams about Shuichi: Mr. “sex toys” i dont think you have room to talk

Has a collection of sex toys: Okay I don’t USE them. It’s an inside joke I have with myself.

Has a collection of sex toys: Well, it was.

Had big crush on Makoto: Why is Junko yelling at people to get online?

Had big crush on Makoto: Oh no no no no.

Is a boy: now i hear junko laughing, its pretty scary

Has known Fuyuhiko since childhood: Mukuro used to have a crush on Makoto.

Monokuma! Changed (1) name 

Is a boy: ...how did you know that?

Has known Fuyuhiko since childhood: Well, I consider myself fairly close to Mukuro in a sense. 

Has known Fuyuhiko since childhood: Close enough to have seen her. 

Is a boy: but… why would you expose someone close to you?

Has known Fuyuhiko since childhood: Did I misunderstand the point of this game?

Basically prime minister: If I’m not mistaken, Peko and Mukuro are close, correct? Would this mean Peko has known Fuyuhiko since childhood?

Monokuma! Changed (1) name

Is a boy: oh

Basically prime minister: It seems I was correct.

Past lover is deceased: Why hasn’t Junko stopped screaming?

Junky Funky: NOT EVERYONE IS ONLINE 

Junky Funky: I WONT STOP UNTIL EVERYONE IS

Nutted to Hajime: Hello everyone, I have returned due to peer pressure!

Insecure about burnt hands: I’m online, stop screaming.

Has a tumblr+wattpad acc: heyyyyyyyy yall

Has a tumblr+wattpad acc: wait junko wasn’t lying?

Has a tumblr+wattpad acc: fuck

Is a boy: i’m pretty sure there’s four people who aren’t online yet…

Basically prime minister: I went through this conversation, and everyone but one person has spoken at least once.

Basically prime minister: Although the people offline have quite large secrets.

Insecure about burnt hands: Yes, but we should continue without them for now.

Junky Funky: ILL GET THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Has a collection of sex toys: Okay uh everyone on rn say one thing.

Insecure about burnt hands: If we must.

Basically prime minister: Hello.

Has wet dreams about Shuichi: I know who at least one person is :)

Is a boy: that seems important, shouldnt you say it?

Past lover is deceased: Yes, I agree

Nutted to Hajime: I hope it’s not me…

Has a tumblr+wattpad: i don’t appreciate this, whoever did this!!!

Insecure about burnt hands: That seems to be everyone.

Has wet dreams about Shuichi: ok now we can choose someone to target!!

Has a collection of sex toys: Why not you?

Past lover is deceased: I don’t see anything wrong with that, they seem annoying

Has wet dreams about Shuichi: heyyyyy!!

Has wet dreams about Shuichi: you can’t guess me yet!

Insecure about burnt hands: And why not?

Has wet dreams about Shuichi: i’m the only person who knows who the ultimate assassin is!

Is a boy: what!!

Basically prime minister: Well, that is a good reason.

Nutted to Hajime: Ultimate… Assassin?

Past lover is deceased: If you could, please just say it

Has wet dreams about Shuichi: hold on

Has wet dreams about Shuichi: @Ultimate Assassin

Has wet dreams about Shuichi: @Ultimate Assassin

Has wet dreams about Shuichi: @Ultimate Assassin

Has wet dreams about Shuichi: @Ultimate Assassin

Has wet dreams about Shuichi: @Ultimate Assassin

Has wet dreams about Shuichi: @Ultimate Assassin

Has wet dreams about Shuichi: @Ultimate Assassin

Has wet dreams about Shuichi: @Ultimate Assassin

Has wet dreams about Shuichi: @Ultimate Assassin

Ultimate Assassin: What.

Is a boy: it worked…

Has a tumblr+wattpad: i’m as surprised as you

Ultimate Assassin: You don’t know who I am. 

Has wet dreams about Shuichi: um, yes i do? did you forget?

Ultimate Assassin: If you’re talking about what I think you are, you just told me who you are. Although, it now seems obvious.

Has wet dreams about Shuichi: maki harukawa, the ultimate assassin!

Ultimate Assassin: Don’t even try it, Kokichi.

Monokuma! Changed (2) names

Has a tumblr+wattpad: wha… they sent it at the same time!

Has a collection of sex toys: I think you’re missing points of that that are more important.

Momoron: ...what?

Junky funky: DAMMIT WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT NOT TALKING YOU FUCKING IDIOT

Momoron: shut up, this is important!

Junky funky banned @Momoron for (2) hour for “BEING STUPID”

Junky funky: You’re welcome.

Luminary! → Sidekick!

Luminary!: SHUICHIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

Luminary!: SHUICHI 

Sidekick!: Um, yea Kaito? Did you want me to get something else as a snack?

Sidekick!: Because um, I’m already on my way back, but I can go back I guess.

Luminary!: Read the chat!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sidekick: Why? I’m not the most interested in knowing that kind of stuff about people without them telling me.

Luminary!: Just read it it’s important!!!!!

Sidekick!: Alright…

Sidekick!: Oh fuck.

Sidekick!: I’ll meet you at Maki’s lab.

Luminary!: Okay Shuichi!!!!!

“Maki?”

“Maki-roll! She’s in there right?”

“Well, I saw her walking quickly this way, and this is the only place I could imagine her going.” Shuichi explained, knocking again on the door that led to Maki’s Lab. He’d always wondered why the Ultimate child caregiver’s lab would be in the athletics section of the lab, but if she really is the Ultimate assassin, it would make sense. He and Kaito were on the outside of the door, hoping that she would either communicate or turn out to be somewhere easier to comfort. 

“I trust you Shuichi, plus I think this is the only place no one else can get to but her, right?” Kaito replied, looking at the detective with a curious glance. Shuichi pondered for a moment, then smiled. 

“Yes, you’re right. Maki told me her lab has a special security system that’s unlike any of the other one’s used for labs. I always figured it was because sometimes she housed actual children for periods of time…” Shuichi then tried to call her name again and knocked, but yet again there was no response. Well… she has to come out sometime right?

“Hey, Shuichi… “ Kaito began. “You uh… did you see the part with Kokichi too? Like… what his secret was?” Shuichi went red as he heard Kaito’s question. Of.. of course he saw it! How could he not? The name had been stressing him out ever since he’d seen it… and now knowing who it was almost made him explode with nerves. The only reason he wasn’t a mess right now was because he was trying to help Maki. 

“Uh… yea. I saw it.” Was all Shuichi could mutter out. Thankfully, before Kaito could pressure him further, Kaede came rushing down the hall, carrying a container. Behind her was Kirumi, rushing in an elegant manner. 

“Hi!!!” Kaede rushed out. “Um, Kirumi and I read what happened, and we brought over these cookies we made yesterday. We uh… we wanted to help however we could.” Kaede added the last part as she noticed the closed door. 

“Thanks you two, it means a lot.” Shuichi said with a smile. Kaede set the container on the ground, then bounced back up. 

“So uh… some crazy stuff has been revealed during this whole… siruation I guess you could call it.” Kaede said, trying to start a conversation. “There’s gonna be some explanations probably.”

“Haha, yea! I haven’t been keeping up since I left, but I remember some weird ones. Do you know who’s left?” Kaito replied, chuckling while rubbing the back of his head. 

“Yes, I have been keeping track,” Kirumi replied curtly (is curtly a word you can use to describe speaking?). “There are around five or so left since I last checked. Unfortunately, I \was… tricked into giving away my identity by using my talent against me. Luckily, it appeared that Kokichi actually had a problem to deal with.” Shuichi tensed at the name of Kokichi, reminding him of the elephant in his mind. Kirumi also elegantly brushed over what her secret was, but he decided not to push it. He looked at Kaito with what he hoped was a “don’t-pry-i-know-you’re-curious-but-ddon’t” look. Kaito seemd to understand, and looked away, back to Maki’s lab door. 

“Jeez,” Kaede said, breaking the silence. “The next few days are going to be… very awkward. There’s definitely going to have to be some explaining.” The other three looked at her, and realized that she was indeed right, and they were going to have to interact with their friends and classmates after this. Shuichi was about to respond, but he was interrupted by a  _ ping _ from his phone. The other three looked down as their phones did the same. Shuichi quickly opened his phone, and found a message that both relieved and terrified him.

Ultimate Weenies 

Monokuma!: Congratulations! The game is done. Our winner is @Killed his pet when he was little, or @Gundamn u thicc (honestly dont know if thats right??). Now, continue on with your lives knowing everyone’s secrets!

  
  


~

Alright I know this chapter ending sucked but I really couldn’t bring myself to write this “game” anymore, I tried but I’ve lost motivation. However, I’m looking forward to the next chapters, which are aftermath chapters, and have some romance!! Hopefully I can get my life back in check :)

Also thank you guys so much for 4000+ hits and 300+ kudos??!?!??!?! Ahhhhh i never expected this to happen but I’m glad you enjoy the fic as much as I do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!!! Have a lovely day


	9. Chapter Eight: Junko is on Crack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they are a mess and junko just wants to fuck around

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I am aware I haven't updated my other fic in two months. I'm getting there

Woah!!!!! 5000(+) hits??!?! Wow wow wow i can’t thank y’all enough, i can’t believe this elongated shitpost fic has gained attention like this :0 i’m seriously shocked and thankful, hopefully this will give me more motivation to write!!!! 

Anyway, onto the fic 

Ultimate Weenies

2:47 p.m 

Junky funky: heyyyy yall

Junky funky: hey

Junky funky: oh my GOD r u guys still avoiding this chat bc of the “game” thing

Junky funky: boooo

Junky funky: cmon

Kyokowo: You do realize we’re all in class right now, correct? 

Sister snapped: Also, it’s only been a day and a half.

Junky funky: uh YEA, but that hasnt stopped you guys before!!!

Junky funky: cmon we cant let this chat die 

Junky funky: also a bunch of ppl arent even GOING to classes

Junky funky: or havent gone since the game

Junky funky: hey

Junky funky: fuck yall >:(

Ultimate Weenies 

5:34 p.m

MILF: Hello everyone. If you could, please inform me of everyone who you know won’t be joining us for dinner, so I can bring them a meal. 

Naegg: Uh, I think it’s safe to assume Toko won’t be joining us again.

Emo: I haven’t heard from Maki yet, so that means she’ll be in her room still.

Emo: Kaito is also still being held by Mikan in the infirmary for dinner.

Chihack: same for Mondo 

Avocockdo: Kiyo is still unheard from…

Miubs: havent heard shit from cock itchy 

My-zono: I don’t think i’ll be joining today, but you don’t have to bring me anything.

MILF: As a maid, I simply cannot let you go without a proper meal, especially since your profession requires high energy. 

My-zono: Oh uh, okay 

Vriska: Oh wow, that’s a lot of people we haven’t seen in a while… 

Thirsty af: ughhh yea it is

Thirsty af: plus everyone’s been acting weird 

Miubs: yea honestly I miss getting into fights with the rat

Weed: i miss taka lecturing me…

Thirsty af: oh jeez yea taka’s been so different

Lesbian power: it’s so weird seeing him and mondo apart, though it’s… understandable

Chihack: hey uh… they can see this so

Chihack: you guys might wanna stop talking about them

Weed: oh hey chihiro

Chihack: hi! :)

Lesbian power: oh yea lol i forgot theyre still here!!

Lesbian power: anyway uh i have to go to a swimming practice!!

Thirsty af: hina how much do you swim jfc

Lesbian power: leave me alone >:(

Chihack: ah wait hold on

Lesbian power: yea?

Chihack: right um

Chihack: i wanna explian my uh, “secret”

Chihack: about how i’m a boy

Chihack: because you’ve all been acting… different. But i don’t want things to be different!

Thirsty af: oh

Thirsty af: wait fuck thats not a bad thing, i meant like “oh ok”, you know?

Miubs: wait you’re a dude?

Miubs: like you’re trans?

Chihack: ahhhh

Chihack: ok uh i need to clear up some stuff ._.

Weed: oh uh go ahead man (or not man?)

Chihack: ok so uhm

Chihack: i’m a boy, was born a boy, and plan on staying a boy. Not trans but support trans peeps!!

Chihack: but obviously i tried to pass as a girl, and there’s a reason for that. i was… bullied a lot as a kid for being a weak boy. eventually, it got so bad that i started to pretend i was a girl so i wouldn’t get bullied. and… it was like that for years. But!! i want to get stronger, and mondo is helping me be more confident :) 

Chihack: oh jeez that was a lot, sorry. 

Weed: woah

Vriska: I’m really sorry that happene to you Chihiro! I don’t know you too well but I’d give you hug if I did!

Naegg: I’m proud of you for telling us Chihiro, and I’ll help in any way I can!

Miubs: Ay! If you know any of those kids who bullied you ill beat them up for ya! Ill get other to help too 

G4m3r: <333 proud of you!!

Buff gf: It must have taken you a lot of strength to tell everyone this, so you should be very proud of the growth you’ve already achieved. Telling us this makes you stronger than many already. Also, I will be willingly to help you in any way I can.

Kyokowo: @everyone Be proud of Chihiro.

Chihack: oh jeez i’m crying you guys… thank you…

Lesbian power: OK SCREW SWIM PRACTICE CHIHIRO WHERE R U

Chihack: um… my room?

Lesbian power: IM GOING OVER THERE TO GIVE YOU A BIG HUG!!!! ILY!!!!

G4m3r: i’m joining!!

Lesbian power: @everyone let’s validate each other together!!!!

Avocockdo: Who keeps @ing everyone?

Lesbian power: shush we are supporting a friend!!

Avocockdo: Oh my bad, go you @Chihack

Sollux: Oho!!!! I’ll bring some anime!!!!

MILF: Please remember to eat dinner. Teruteru worked fairly hard, and I think he would be upset if not many ate his food.

Owori: More for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lesbian power: ok miss mom lady!!

MILF: My name is Kirumi Tojo, but the nickname is flattering. 

Thirsty af: lol milf

MILF: Oh yes, my name. I’m not sure what it means, but Miu told me it was fitting for me.

Thirsty af: o h

MILF: Does it mean something not appropriate?

Thirsty af: um

Miubs: Fuckkk

MILF: Miu…

Miubs: Bye!!!

  
  


Ultimate Weenies

6:07 p.m.

Junky funky: oh so yall talk WHEN IM NOT ACTIVE?!?!??!??

Sodass: lol

Junky funky: stfu

  
  


Ultimate Weenies

8:43 p.m.

My-zono: Hey can I be admin for like a minute?

Chihack: uh why?

My-zono: Just want to change a name :)

Junky funky: lol sure y not

Junky funky: you get a minute

My-zono: ty!!

_ My-zono changed (1) name _

My-zono: @Simp

My-zono: @Simp

My-zono: @Simp

My-zono: @Simp

My-zono: @Simp

My-zono: @Simp

Simp: huh

Simp: oh fuck you

Simp: im not a fucking simp

Chihack: who’s that?

My-zono: Leon :)

Junky funky: OMGGGG

Simp: istg i always get bullied here

  
  


Ultimate Weenies

3:23 a.m. 

Junky funky: OMGGGG

Junky funky: YALL I DID IT

Junky funky: I FOUND OUT WHO DID THE GAME THING I KNOW THEM

Simp: yo what

Vriska: oh?

Sodass: aight tell us the fucker

Sodass: my money is on gundham

ahOJe: W...why??  
Sodass: um well he didn’t talk the whole time? sus 

ahOJe: Dude he told us he was busy with some animals, he didn’t have any technology with him.

Sodass: hm, still sus

ahOJe: Whatever

Junky funky: ITS NOT GUNDHAM DIPSHIT

Miubs: Haha dipshit

Sodass: bruh

Simp: ok just tell it who it is before i pass out

Junky funky: LMAO ok

Junky funky: ok so

Hoe-pe: What’s going on?

Junky funkiy: SHUT

Junky funky: ok so there’s this kid

Junky funky: and she really looks up to me, because i’m cool and awesome you know

Miubs: Eh

Junky funky: shut. anyway the only problem with that is she hung around me a lot the past few years, where i was a bit… insane lol

Simp: a bit? one day you threw a bunch of baseballs at me for no reason

Junky funky: ahahahaa yeaaaa

Junky funky: that was fun

Junky funky: anyway this kid, she tries really hard to act like that version of me which has some deep rooted trauma in it but thats not important rn

Junky funky: so she probably forced her friends to get into my account and whatnot, and made the game thing 

Junky funky: and by probably i mean she did

Miubs: Uh…. the fuck?

ahOJe: A kid? A kid did that?

Simp: doubt

Junky funky: ok LOOK i know its weird but she basically TOLD ME she did it

Junky funky: and if you knew her and her weirdo friends you’d know they are capable of this LMAO

Sodass: so… who is she???

Junky funky: oh lol

Junky funky: her name’s monaca :P

Hoe-pe: Uh...Monaca?

Vriska: not to be confused with Monika!

Junky funky: yes that’s what i said dummy

Hoe-pe: Monaca...Towa?

Junky funky: uh… yea????  
Hoe-pe: Oh

Hoe-pe: Heh

Hoe-pe: Hehehehehehhehe

Simp: wtf

AhOJe: What is it Nagito

Hoe-pe: Um…

Hoe-pe: Hajime uh…

Sodass: oh my god

Miubs: FFS just tell us ya bottom!

Hoe-pe: Ah… okay, if you insist on listening to trash like me

Hoe-pe: It’s just… I found it funny because I babysit Monaca

Sodass: woah really?

AhOJe: Huh, that’s a weird coincidence

Junky funky: omg r u the one she calls servant??!?!?!??!?!

Vriska: oh jeez… 

Miubs: Hold the FUCK up

Sodass: thats… uh

Hoe-pe: Haha, yea… they are a unique group of children… 

Simp: so uh

Simp: ur telling me this little girl clowned us all 

Junky funky: essentially ya!!!

Simp: how tf did she even get the secrets tho????

AhOJe: I was thinking the same thing, she only knows two of them right?

Vriska: actually, I know her too!! Junko introduced me

AhOJe: Oh

Sodass: yo nagito did u do something??

Hoe-pe: What ? No… I’m afraid I don’t have the ability to gather the secrets, being the useless trash I am.

AhOJe: No trash talk.

Hoe-pe: …

Sodass: its getting gay in here

AhOJe: No

Miubs: (Yes)

Sodass: (totally)

AhOJe: ???

Junky funky: ok ANYWAY

Junky funky: um

Junky funky: she may have gotten some of the secrets from me 

Junky funky: BUT i only had them from my crazy phrase and i 4got i had them :P

Simp: thats disturbing knowledge ngl

Vriska: so… you’ve known this stuff for a while?

Vriska: how embarrassing… 

Sodass: yea embarrassing is right

Junky funky: actually!!! I didnt have ur secret pink hair

Sodass: wait what

Sodass: what are you saying here

Sodass: actually nvm

AhOJe: Considering Souda’s secret I agree, let’s not find out.

Sodass: HEY

Sodass: I THOUGHT WE AGREED TO NOT TALK ABOUT MY SECRET

Sodass: MY SECRET THAT NO ONE SHOULD ASK ABOUT

Vriska: Uh, i think everyone already knows what your secret was, no offense

Miubs: Ya lol I yelled it pretty loud

Sodass: i’m still pissed abt that miu

AhOJe: Souda’s mess of a sexuality aside

AhOJe: We should all sleep

Vriska: Hm, probably 

Vriska: However, anime is calling my name ~~~~~~~~~~~~

Miubs: Ha, fucking WEEB

Vriska: Ok rude

Junky funky: ok i am WAITING HERE for leon to make a dumbass comment about not needing sleep

Junky funky: where tf IS HE

Hoe-pe: He uh, may have fallen asleep

Junky funky: wasn’t asking you LOSER

Hoe-pe: You don’t have to be a bitch

Sodass: first of all

Sodass: hajime i thought we were bros

AhOJe: I’m an honest bro

Sodass: second of all

Sodass: NAGITO HOLY SHIT

Sodass: third of all

Sodass: time to pass out ayyy

Miubs: Yea holy shit when did nagito grow balls

AhOJe:.

AhOJe: Fuck didn’t mean to send that

Junky funky: sus

AhOJE: Shhhh

AhOJe: Let’s just all go to bed

Vriska: But anime

AhOJe: You know what, you do you. I’m sleeping tho

Junky funky: night yall!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Vriska: Um, goodnight :)

Hoe-pe: Good night Hajime,,,,

Junky funky: Whate about me whore?? I DESERVE a goodnight

Junky funky: Um HELLO????

Junky funky: I hate you guys

  
  


Ultimate Weenies

7:14 AM

Simp: hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhjkljhggggggggggggggggggggg

Goth gf: Ugh

Goth gf: Is that Leon or Soda? I believe they both shamefully fit the description of “simp”.

My-zono: Leon!!!!

Chihack: you seem very proud of that hehe

My-zono: Yes I am!! :D

Simp: ojkkmk bihjh

My-zono: Rude

Naegg: Wait… what did he say?

Small schlong: EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP ITS TOO EARLY FOR THIS SHIT

My-zono: He said “ok bitch”

My-zono: Oh…

Sodass: woah! You guys got fuyuhiko to go online!

Goth gf: Is he the yakuza? 

Sodass: uh yea?

Goth gf: Mm. I’ve run into the yakuza before, they are a rowdy group of individuals, but nothing I can’t handle. 

Goth gf: They don’t like losing.

Simp: lllllllllllloksjjsjl

Goth gf: Shut.

Weed: bro taka hasn’t said anything about leon or the other who stayed up

Weed: this feels unnatural

Takalot: Ah, my apoligized Hiro.

Takalot: I haven’t been getting the best sleep myself in all honesty, so it would be hypocritical to lecture others for the same mistake.

Weed: woah

Weed: you having trouble sleeping dude?

Takalot: yes, unfortunately.

Naegg: Really? For how long?

Takalot: Oh um, only a couple days I believe.

Goth gf:Ah, how unfortunate.

Goth gf: I often have the same issues, though they mostly like stems from… different reasons.

My-zono: Is there anything that happened that could’ve caused it?

Chihack: uh… guys…

Takalot: Uh 

Takalot: Well,

Junky funky: OH FOR FUCKS SAKE

Junky funky removed (2) from the chat

Sodass: huh???  
Naegg: Why’d you take Mondo and Taka off the chat?

Kyokowo: Oh no

Emo: Oh no indeed

Naegg: huh?

Junky funky: it seems you two understand! Thank fucking god!!!!!

Chihack: junko…

My-zono: What’s going on?

Junky funky: what’s going on is!!!!

Junky funky: I AM SICK AND TIRED OF THE TENSION BETWEEN MONDO AND TAKA!!!! FUCKING CHRIST! 

Kyokowo: Ok. Have fun

Simp: wwwwwwwwwwwwwwww?

Naegg: Uh yea, I actually agree with Leon??  
Me-oda: IBUKI AGREES! THEY REALLY NEED TO HOLD HANDS :D

Junky funky: THANK YOU

Goth gf: Excuse me, but this does not answer the question of why they have been removed from the chat. 

Junky funky: oh thaaaaaat

Junky funky: well

Junky funky: i have a little idea

Junky funky: @Lesbian power i think you understand?

Lesbian power: huh?

Lesbian power: GASP

Lesbian power: MY TIME HAS COME

Weed: oh fuck

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter! In case you need to hear it, you are very valid, your feelings are valid, and your opinions are valid. You'll get through this!  
Have a great day :)


	10. Chapter Nine: Ishimondo Rights or Dath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ishimondo and another surprise ship happen, amongst other stuff (im too lazy for a better summary lmao)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So uh.... it's a been a bit lmao. I kinda got hyperfixated on some other fandoms, and started writing stuff for those instead of working on my other fics, whoops. I already had this started tho and was able to finish it, yay!!!! Hope you enjoy it!

Lesbian power: OK GAYS

Lesbian power: *GUYS

Lesbian power: ACTUALLY IT DOESNT MATTER

Junky funky: LMAOOOO

Goth gf: This is my cue to leave, as I wish to have no part in whatever this will be.

Goth gf: Goodbye.

My-zono: I still don’t know what’s going on…

Lesbian power: WE’RE GETTING ISHIMONDO TOGETHERRRRR

AhOJe: Morning

AhOJe: What the hell is ishimondo

Naegg: ^^

Weed: uh I’m pretty sure it’s mondo and taka’s names mushed together?

Junky funky: ITS THEIR SHIP NAME YOU IDIOT

Kyokowo: I think Hina called it a “ship name”

Sollux: Did someone say ship name?

Vriska: EEEEEE

Vriska: What ship are we talking about??????

Simp: what the hell?

Emo: Don’t get Tsumugi started…

Vriska: Too lateeeee!!!!

Lesbian power: were talking about mondo and taka!!

Vriska: OMG theyre definitely OTP material

Vriska: they have a LOT of romantic tension

Weed: uh… 

AhOJe: What’s...shipping?

Emo: Oh no

Kyokowo: Oh no

Vriska: WELLLLLLL

Vriska: itscdsncsdjKSCJAZCN<,0e0ow2.

Simp: ???   
Emo: Kaede took her phone

Naegg: I feel like we dodged a bullet

Sollux: You did, trust me

Lesbian power: we’re getting off topic!!

Lesbian power: we need to get mondo and taka together!!!!!!

Sodass: oh finally

Sodass: mondo is talking about him NONSTOP

Junky funky: Oh?????

Sodass: yee

Kyokowo: Do we get to choose whether or not we help?

Lesbian power: welllllll it depends on what our plan is!

Junky funky: duh :D

My-zono: that’s great and all but

My-zono: they’re kind of avoiding each other?

Simp: yea how tf is that gonna work

Junky funky: ohhhh so naive~   
Junky funky: we just need to pull some strings and meddle some and we can get them smooching!

Emo: Sorry, I’ll have to pass. I’m have enough trouble as is with my love life, anything else will stress me out.

Lesbian power: WAIT what love life????

Emo: Uhm

Emo: I have to go

Lesbian power: w

Lesbian power: i-

Aka-mine-tsu: He found out Kokichi likes him but Kokichi’s somehow managed to avoid him since then

Aka-mine-tsu: Which is both weird and stressful for him :)

AhOJe: You came online just for that?   
Aka-mine-tsu: Don’t judge me

Lesbian power: ahhhhhhjsksksjkjakklkak

Junky funky: omg shes having an overdose of drama

Junky funky: SOMEONE GET HER A DONUT DAMMIT

Weed: what?

Junky funky: HIRO GET THE WOMAN A FUCKING DONUT

Weed: AHHHHH OK OK 

My-zono: um i think we got off topic again

Naegg: Is it possible for us to stay on topic? I’m having my doubts haha

Junky funky: AHHHHH I JUST WANNA GET TWO BOYS TOGETHER IS IT THAT HARD JFC

Knifey wifey: calm down bitch

Junky funky: D:<   
Junky funky: whatever

Naegg: How...how did that work?   
Aka-mine-tsu: Wait what’s happening? I’d like to help!

AhOJe: No run while you can

AhOJe: They’ll get you

Junky funky: too late! We need ideas to get mondo and taka together!!!

Sollux: Well

Simp: no fucking anime suggestions

Sollux: Bye

My-zono: wow that shut him down fast

Junku funky: ANYWAY any other suggestions?

Aka-mine-tsu:uhhh

Aka-mine-tsu: Well I know a popular trope is locking people in rooms? I don’t know though, you said you didn’t want anime stuff… 

Junky funky: wAIT YOU MIGHT BE ONTO SOMETHING!

Junky funky: NGL I THOUGHT YOUD BE USELESS BUT HUH

Junky funky: hehehehehehe it’s alllll coming together

Aka-mine-tsu: Um……..

AhOJe: I have a bad feeling about this

Simp: lmao how would you even get them in a room together tho

Junky funky: easy!!

Junky funky: @Chihack

Chihack: hello?

Chihack: aw man :(

Chihack: we’re doing plan nh?

My-zono: nh?

Chihack: no homo

AhOJe: How long have you two been planning this?

Junky funky: hey! Mukuro helped too!!!!

Knifey wifey: You don’t want to know how long it took.

Simp: so uh…. you didn’t really answer my question?

Chihack: oh um well

Chihack: i’m used as basically bait to lure them into the sauna (it’ll cause the most tension) and lock the door, forcing them to talk things out and kiss :)

Simp: wow

AhOJe: Uh, won’t they like, get overheated in the sauna?

Junky funky: thank you for volunteering to watch the sauna Hajime!!

AhOJe: What?!

Naegg: Oh I don’t have to this time? Nice!

AhOJe: Uh actually

AhOJe: I have things to do

Aka-mine-tsu: Really?

AhOJe: Yea 

AhOJe: I was going to you know, ask some people to hang out

My-zono: hmmm… sounds fake :/

Kyokowo: Agreed.

AhOJe: What! No

Kyokowo: Who were you going to ask to hang out?

AhOJe: Uh

AhOJe: Nagito

Orange Whore —> Sans

Orange Whore: FUCK

Orange Whore: WHY DID I SAY THAT

Sans: hm?

Sans: oh lol :D

Orange Whore: AHHHHH

Ultimate Weenies

Hoe-pe: Wait really? You wanted to hang out with.. me?

AhOJe: Oh yea totally

Junky funky: well you can’t!!! this is more important than your date!

Hoe-pe: ...Date?

  
  


Orange Whore —> Sans

Orange Whore: CHIAKI

Orange Whore: HELP ME

Sans: hehe ok :) 

Ultimate Weenies

G4m3r: hey, how about both Nagito and Hajime watch the door?

Chihack: oh yea! good idea!

Hoe-pe: Ahaha...yea, if Hajime isn’t too disgusted.

AhOJe: Yea thanks Chiaki I really really appreciate your input this is definitely how I wanted this to go

My-zono: Uh… 

Junky funky: right!! ok so our plan is good! chihiro tell them ASAP so we can get this done tonight!

Chihack: aye aye! ^u^ 

AhOJe: Tonight?!?!?!?

Hoe-pe: If you need to cancel Hajime, that’s completely fine. I understand if you have stuff to do that’s more worth your time than being with me.

AhOJe: No no, it’s fine! That’s completely worth my time!

AhOJe: Wait

Hoe-pe: Oh

Simp: this hurts to read

Kyokowo: Agreed

Orange Whore —> Sans

Orange Whore: Kill me

Sans: nope, have fun on your date

6:45 pm

Ultimate Weenies

Junky funky: ALRIGHT EVERYONE ITS ABOUT TO HAPPEN

Lesbian power: EEEEEEEEEEE

Miubs: The fuck?

Sodass: oh!!!!! is it what I think it is????

Momoron: oh man am I out of the loop again?

Emo: ishimondo

Momoron: oh! okay

Naegg: Wait ishimondo is now universally recognized?

Vriska: Ah, it really is true love!!

Naegg: They… aren’t together yet?

Robo-babey: It’s no use arguing, believe me. 

Miubs: Yooo, Kiibo! I haven’t seen you online in a while!

Robo-babey: Ah, yes unfortunately I have been distracted as of late, but I plan to be more engaged!

Miubs: Nice!

Junky funky: DONT CARE ISHIMONDOOOO

Junky funky: HAJIME BITCH HOPE BOY ARE YOU READY

AhOJe: I guess

AhOJe: Nagito refuses to answer for some reason but he’s here.

G4mer: they have a rivalry i think

Junky funky: yea yea whatever NOT IMPORTANT RN

Weed: hey guys guess what

Lesbian power: later hiro!! Right now we all need to focus on the ishimondo!

Robo-babey: Ishi...mondo?

Vriska: Oh?

Miubs: Shitttttt

7:00 pm   
Ultimate Weenies

Lesbian power: update!?!?!??!?

Chihack: i sent them both to the sauna…. I feel kinda bad :/

Sodass: it’s for a good cause!

Miubs: Ur really fuckin into this

Sodass: pssshhhh… no im noooot

G4m3r: press x to doubt

Sodass: whatever

7:10 pm

Ultimate Weenies

Junky funky: update yall?

7:12 pm

Junky funky: hello?

7:18 pm

Junky funky: UM HELLO?????   
Lesbian power: what’s up?

Junky funky: they aren’t answering my beautiful ass!!!!!!!!!!!

Miubs: “beautiful”

Junky funky: ok RUDE but ill deal with that later

Sister snapped: What’s going on here?

Lesbian power: oh you know

Lesbian power: hajime and nagito have just disappeared when we need them most

Sister snapped: And he wonders why I call him unreliable… 

Sister snapped: Although Nagito not answering is a bit weird, I’ll admit

Junky funky: makoto!!   
Naegg: yea?

Junky funky: check on them >:)

Naegg: What? Why me???

Kyokowo: I think she just likes to pick on you

Junky funky: guilty!!

Sister snapped: Whatever, just go!! Who knows what trouble Nagito could be causing

Sodass: oh yea true

Naegg: Sigh…. Okay

Lesbian power: did you just type out sigh?

Naegg: ….Oh my god I did

Miubs: Lol

7:27 pm

Ultimate Weenies

Naegg: Ok so

Naegg: Um

Junky funky: hm????

Sister snapped: Where are they?

AhOJe: Makoto don’t

Naegg: Um

Naegg: Hajime doesn’t want me to say

Lesbian power: huh? Why?

AhOJe: Reasons

Miubs: Like?????

AhOJe: I don’t have to say anything

Kyokowo: This is awfully suspicious

Emo: Makoto, could you tell us what you saw

Naegg: Uh

AhOJe: Don’t do it

Miubs: Spill the sexy beans!!!!!

Lesbian power: tell us! Tell us! Tell us!

Naegg: THEY WERE MAKING OUTJDKLSNAANAKMKM

AhOJe: MAKOTO

Lesbian power: WWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAT

Miubs: SHSKLAJAJSSKSKS

Sodass: HSJKJAHSJSJHDHXCNNNWI

Kyokowo: Yea I thought so

Emo: It was kind of obvious

Junky funky: EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW 

Vriska: YESSSSSS ONE OF MY OTPS IS CANON

Vriska: @EVERYONE 

Weed: OH MY GOD

Simp: YOOOO

Hiyokowo: GROOOOOOSSSSSSS

Me-oda: YAAYAYAYYAYAYYAYAYAYYAYA

AhOJe: MAKOTO TF

Naegg: IM SORRY

G4m3r: oh lmao you finally did it

Sodass: FINALLY?????

Small shlong: God i hate you guys

AhOJe: ^^^^

Small shlong: That includes you for making me imagine you and Nagito going at it

AhOJe: Damn

Emo: Wait so

Emo: Were you guys actually watching the door?

Hoe-pe: Fuck!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a bit short, but still pretty good I think. Have a lovely day!


	11. Angsty Intermission Damn 😨😭😳😂😍🥺😦

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the title makes me want to cry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a shorter chapter but i think it's still good! I wanted to take a break from my "main plot" (if it can be called a plot) so here's some conversations that i don't think i can fit in smoothly so they get their own chapter. i'll probably do a chapter like this again ahaha

Read the beginning notes please!! :)

this is probably full of mistakes whoops

Ultimate Weenies 

6:54 pm 

  
  


Simp: hey guys follow my tiktok @11037 (A/N i know tiktok is dying but i’ve had this idea for a while)

Mondick: why r there fuckin numbers

Miubs: Only if you follow me back ehehehehehe

Avocockdo: warning, Miu’s tiktok is borderline porn

Miubs: Hey!!! It’s art :(

Sodass: uhh going back to what mondo said, what’s with the numbers?????

Simp: oh sayaka helped me come up with it!

Simp: see, if you flip it upside down, it’s kinda like my name

Mondick: that’s fucking stupid

Junky funky: stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid 

Makoto: Hm, I’ve having this weird sense of deja vu, weird

My-zono: hey don’t call my username idea stupid!!

Simp: yea if it was stupid i wouldn’t have used it, stupid

Junky funky: stupid stupid stupid stupid stupdifjhewdcw232o4f3vnmsmaq

Avocockdo: you okay there Junko??

Kyokowo: Mukuro stole her phone

Kyokowo: Junko won’t spam us for a while, so I see this as the best option

Miubs: Bruh Leon you just used Sayaka’s idea because you simp for her

Simp: fuck off no

Sodass: your username isn’t help you here

Simp: aw shit

Simp: look

Simp: i don’t simp for her

Mondick: ok if sayaka WASNT reading this what would you say

_ Simp left the chat _

_ Mondick added Simp to the chat _

Kyokowo: Your silence is damning

Simp: you know what screw this, im hanging out with ibuki

  
  


Ultimate Weenies

(a little bit after the game, after they find out who it is)

Lesbian power: um

Lesbian power: so

Emo: So?

Lesbian power: well

Lesbian power: not to be pushy but

Lesbian power: some people may wanna explain some of their “secrets” 

Lesbian power: because some were… questionable

Miubs: Yea Kokichi has wet dreams about Shuichi LOL

Emo: hg

Emo: Let’s not talk about that right now

Miubs: Booooooo

Aka-mine-tsu: Miu!! Respect Shuichi’s boundaries!

Miubs: Ehhhuahsja okay…….

MILF: Ah, I assume I am in the category of “needing to be explained”, so I will

MILF: To start off, I would like to say that my role in Japan’s government was exaggerated, although I understand why as my role isn’t exactly set in stone. 

Weed: yea that makes sense, whod put a teenager in a position like that? Sounds like something off of a tv show lol

MILF: Indeed, it’s a little ridiculous. 

MILF: Of course, I am the official maid for the Prime Minister. We have grown to trust each other, so I am given information on the state of government projects and help in said projects, as a maid. Although, I guess I do bend the rules of being a maid a bit. 

MILF: I would not describe it as “Basically Prime Minister” however.

Aka-mine-tsu: Thanks for clearing that up Kirumi!! 

Chihack: agreed :)

Lesbian power: woaaaaah that still sounds super cool tho!!!!

MILF: Thank you, but I have to leave now. Byakuya has requested my service.

Lesbian power: ugh him

Fukowo: What does THAT mean huh???? 

Lesbian power: wha???? How were you online?????? 

Fukowo: Answer the question!

Lesbian power: i don’t like him, duh! 

Lesbian power: do you not remember when i slapped him?? 

Goth gf: Iconic. 

Goth gf: Eradicate men. 

Lesbian power: yes :D

Emo: I don’t feel safe

Lesbian: hmmm you respect women so you can stay

Fukowo: I cannot tolerate this Master slander.

Fukowo: All men are trash, except for Master.

Hiyokowo: jesus christ how far in the closet ARE you

Fukowo: The what?

Lesbian power: oop 

Goth gf: Toko, I am sending you an invitation to my “We hate men” club. When you’d like to join, don’t hesitate. 

Fukowo: This is a joke isn’t it? So I’ll join, and it’ll end up not existing, and then you’ll all laugh at me. 

Hiyokowo: the fuck? you’re gross like Mikan, i bet you stink like her too 

Fukowo: I...I don’t stink…

Lesbian power: oh! uhm Toko, while you’re here….

Fukowo: What?

Lesbian power: was your secret… true? About being Genocide Jack?

Fukowo: H

Emo: Well, if it wasn’t correct it wouldn’t have been used. 

Miubs: Wait what?? Isn’t Genocide Jack that weirdo serial killer that’s on the news????

Emo: Yea, Kyoko and I have been tracing them for months, but hey’ve stumped us. I guess, until now. 

Fukowo: Fuck off fuck off fuck off

Chihack: wait… Toko you *kill* people?

Chihack: Toko you’re a killer?

Fukowo: NO

Fukowo: I’m not

Fukowo: I would never

Fukowo: I;m not like her

Fukowo: im not

Fukowo: no!!!!!!!!

_ Fukowo left the chat _

_ Chihack added Fukowo to the chat _

Chihack: ...Toko?

Hiyokowo: what the fuck just happened

Lesbian power: will Toko be okay????   
Naegg: Um… if it helps, I know Byakuya knows something about it

Lesbian power: really????

Miubs: Uhhh isn’t he busy bullying Kirumi?

Aka-mine-tsu: Can anyone reach him?

Chihack: Makoto you’re close to him right? Can’t you call him?

Naegg: maybe… 

Naegg: auughh hold on my sister is bothering me

Miubs: f

Emo: f

Chihack: f

Lesbian power: f

Aka-mine-tsu: f

Koko: booooo Makoto won’t tell me what’s going on so i’ll see for myself!!

Koko: oh fuck

Naegg: Don’t swear!!!!!

Koko: SHUT UP TOKO IS IN TROUBLE

Koko: BRB

Naegg: Ok rude

Naegg: Um ok Komaru just went and left our house to help Toko

Lesbian power: we stan 

Aka-mine-tsu: Glad she’s getting help!

Hiyokowo: that was exhausting to read, i’m leavingggg

Miubs: You didn’t even help you little gremlin

Hiyokowo: shut up dirty whore, your hog breath is getting everywhere!

Miubs: hgesuaashheeeee

Aka-mine-tsu: Okay wow 

Emo: So… will that girl be okay?

Naegg: Let’s hope, I’ll get an update from Komaru later

Lesbian power: thankssss Makotooo

  
  


12:03 am

Mondick added Takalot, Chihack, and 14 others to the chat

Mondick: ok listen

Mondick: not many of you dumbasses are awake but i prefer that

Chihack: ?

Mondick:i know you guys saw my secret

Mondick: well not much of a fuckin secret anymore

Mondick: but i wanna explain myself 

Mondick: i dont expect you guys to forgive me, but i want you guys to know

Mondick: since i fuckin trust you

Chihack: oh,,, 

Sodass: wait what? What was your secret?

Kyokowo: “Caused his brother’s death”

Miubs: Ughhh why are you virgins awakeeee

Miubs: Oh shit

Sodass: you trust miu???

Mondick: enough

Mondick: anyway

Mondick: as you guys know, my brother used to be the leader of our gang, with me as his right hand man. When he retired, my dumb ass challenged him to a race to prove my worth to him for some reason. Then i got too fuckin reckless and decided to head straight into traffic… and he pushed me out of the way. And then he died. Right in my fuckin arms, all my fault. 

Chihack: mondo…

Sodass: oh my god

Miubs: Holy balls 

Mondick: i know

Mondick: im a piece of shit, again you guys dont have to forgive me, i dont deserve it

Chihack: mondo you can’t possibly think that!!

Mondick: what

Chihack: what you just described… what happened… you can’t blame yourself for it! it was an accident, you didn’t mean to. i’ve heard you talk about your brother, you care about him too much to ever do anything like that on purpose. so you can’t blame yourself, and you can’t beat yourself up about it!

Chihack. oh. that was long

Mondick: chihiro, you don’t get it. it was my ego that caused me to drive into traffic

Mondick: it was me

Mondick: i fuckin killed him

Kyokowo: No, he’s right. You shouldn’t blame yourself for that. It wasn’t murder, wasn’t planned, it was an accident. 

Mondick: no

Mondick: you guys shouldnt fuckin forgive me

Chihack: mondo im heading over, want any snacks?

Mondick: chi no

Chihack: yes

Chihack: youre my friend, im helping you

Miubs: Make sure he gets that hes not to fucking blame, alright Cheerio?

Sodass: yea!

Chihack: got it

Mondick: . 

Mondick: im not letting you in

Chihack: you will

Mondick: no i won’t

12:45 am

Chihack: haha he let me in

Mondick: fuck you

  
  


7:34 am

Thirsty af: wha

Thirsty af: the one night i actually get sleep

Thirsty af: mondo u good

Thirsty af: mondo

Thirsty af: mondo

Thirsty af: mondo

Thirsty af: mondo

Mondick: FUCK OFF

Weed: bruh ur not awake yet?

Weed: we have classes today

Mondick: fuck off im not going

Sodass: but mondooooooo i need your bike so i can make blueprints 

Mondick: too bad

Sodass: youre so mean to me :(

Weed: takas gonna get on you

Chihack: :/

Weed: what

Weed: am i wrong?

Chihack: just… dont for now

Weed: w h a t ?

Weed: im confused

Miubs: When are you not LOL

Momoron: wwwwwhat’s this??

Miubs: Scroll ya virgin!

Momoron: why do you call people virgins when youre one too???

Miubs: I’m……. I'm not a virgin!!!!

Momoron: sure

Momoron: oh wait what

Momoron: mondo bro!

Mondick: dont start one of your speeches, too tired

Momoron: ….fine. later though!

Weed: rip mondo

Smart → Sparkles ( Mondo took Chihiro’s computer and made his name “smart” so in return Chihiro made his sparkles)

Smart: mondooooooo

Sparkles: what

Smart: you need to talk to taka

Sparkles: no

Smart: im right tho :/

Sparkles: im not ready to….

Sparkles: im too much of a fuckin coward

Smart: mondoooo dont say that about yourself

Smart: i believe in you, and you know you need to

Sparkles: look, i will

Sparkles: but he isnt exactly making it easy

Sparkles: hes been avoiding me

Smart: oh yea :( 

Smart: ahh i gtg but remember what i said okay :)

Sparkles: see ya

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Sorry for the angst, it just happened. Have a lovely day and remember, you're valid!


	12. AHAKSLAADL UM

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dumb shit lol, the gays are simping still

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY SO BASICALLY I wasn't planning on updating anytime soon because I started other fics like an idiot, but then I decided to go back to this fic aND IT HAS 601 KUDOS AND OVER 10,000 HITS????? WHAT???? im akkasfklajsf thank you all!!! i did NOT expect this fic to get this popular like woahhhhh 
> 
> anyway here's another crack-filled chapter for now

Ultimate Weenies

7:45 pm

Mondick: FUCK YOU GUYS

Mondick: all of you are dead to me

Chihack: i’m sorry mondo :(

Mondick: no no chi ur fine

Mondick: everyone else is dead

Sodass: i didnt even do anything :(

Vriska: but didn’t Chihiro help more than most of us?

Mondick: YOU WERE ENCOURAGING IT FUCKASS

Mondick: and chi is excused because i said so, dont question it 

Mondick: all i know is that I WAS LOCKED IN THE SAUNA FOR 40 MINUTES WITHOUT MY PERMISSION

Lesbian Power: LOOK ITS NOT MY FAULT HAJIME DECIDED TO MAKE OUT WITH NAGITO INSTEAD OF DOING HIS JOB

AhOJe: I WASNT MAKING OUT WITH HIM

AhOJe: I JUST KISSED HIM

AhOJe: A COUPLE TIMES

Lesbian power: SAME DIFFERENCE

Small schlong: WHY THE FUCK IS EVERYONE YELLING IM BUSY

Sodass: lol

Junky funky: just so you know, I have 0 regrets

Mondick: of course you fuckin don’t

Takalot: Language! 

Takalot: Although I have to agree, that situation was quite unpleasant. 

Takalot: But I think everyone learned their lesson. 

AhOJe: (got detention)

Small schlong: ha loser

AhOJe: shut up Fuyuhiko you’re in detention too and it’s most likely for a worse reason than me

Small schlong: hell yea it is

Junky funky: oh ;) hey there ;) taka ;) how are you ;) ;) ;)

Takalot: I’m well, thank you! Is there a reason for those emoticons?

Junky funky: oh ;) no ;) reason ;)

Mondick: stop

Junky funky: ;) no 

AhOJe: I’m concerned why is she doing this

Junky funky: mondo ;) knows why ;)

Mondick: piss off

Takalot: Language!!

Mondick: its junko it doesnt count

Junky funky: RUDE TF

Mondick: LOCKING SOMEONE IN A SAUNA IS ALSO RUDE

Lesbian power: but it was for you and Taka!!

Lesbian power: which is a good cause!!!!

Takalot: While I disagree with the methods, I do appreciate the concern and efforts made to [can’t remember the word FUCK] Mondo and I’s friendship!

Lesbian power: w

Vriska: i will now be passing away

Idiots In Love

7:58 pm

Lesbian power: FRIENDSHIP?????

Lesbian power: EXPLAIN

Mondick: SHUT UP I DONT HAFTA EXPLAIN SHIT

Mondick: AND TAKA ISNT HERE SO I CAN CURSE ALL I WANT

Weed: yo why’s everyone yelling

Lesbian power: MONDO HASNT ASKED OUT TAKA YET

Mondick: IM NOT ASKING OUT A DUDE WHILE LOCKED IN A SAUNA

Lesbian power: WHAT ABOUT AFTER??

Weed: woah

Weed: WOAH

Weed: woaaaaaaah

Weed: lemme be a mediator

Weed: hell yea

Mondick: are you fucking high?

Weed: fuckin hello to you too

Mondick: dammit

Mondick: oh wait fuck junko is harrassing taka

Ultimate Weenies

8:05 pm

Junky funky: are you ;) sure ;) you dont ;) wanna ;) kiss ;) anyone ;)

Takalot: Junko! That is a personal question that you shouldn’t ask unless in the correct environment or situation!

Mondick: AKA PISS OFF JUNKO

Junky funky: boooo 

Junky funky: fine

Junky funky: bye homos ;)

Mondick: STOP WINKING

AhOJe: Well, I’m glad that’s over

Sodass: i mean it was kinda weird but entertaining?

AhOJe: I’d say that describes this entire chat

Small schlong: i’d say you should add “annoying as hell”

Sodass: awww you know you love us

Small schlong: ...no

AhOJe: We know you love at least ONE person

Small schlong: SHUT IT

Small schlong: i need better friends

Sodass: :)

AhOJe: :)

Vriska: I think this is the happiest Hajime has been on this chat! 

AhOJe: Dang really? 

AhOJe: That’s kinda sad

Lesbian power: yea usually you’re angry or tired

AhOJe: Oh… 

AhOJe: I sound like a mean person

Sodass: hey where did mondo and taka go?

Cockichi: they’re having super super gay sex!!!

Sodass: WHAT NO WAY

Cockichi: yes! I can hear them!!!

Sodass: WTFFFFFFF

Emo: No they’re not,,,,, they’re studying in the library. I’m in there too and can see them

Sodass: oh….

Small schlong: idiot

Cockicih: aw you always ruin my fun Shumai!!!

Emo: Uh,,, sorry 

Emo: But can we talk later?

Cockichi: nope! I have an allergy to you, if i go near you i’ll die! You don’t want that right?

Emo: Kokichi there’s no way I’d believe that lie, no offense

Emo: Kokichi?

Emo: Kokichi??

AhOJe: I think he’s gone

Emo: Oh…

Vriska: Why do you care Shuichi?

Emo: Um….well Kokichi’s been ignoring me lately…..and i really need to talk to him

Miubs: WAIT WAIT WAIT

Miubs: Cock itchy is ignoring you??? 

Miubs: I didn’t think that was possible!!! 

Emo: Yea, ever since the…...game……..

Sodass: oh you mean where it got revealed that he has wet dreams of you?

Small schlong: if I could smack you right now soda, I would 

Miubs: I’ll do it for ya!

Sodass: wha

Sodass: OW FUCK MIU 

Miubs: AHAHAHAHAHA

Emo: ……….yes…….

AhOJe: I’m so sorry for my stupid friend Shuichi

Sodass: HEY

Sodass: AT LEAST I KNOW THAT AN OCTAGON HAS EIGHT SIDES 

AhOJe: THAT WAS ONE TIME 

Vriska: Guys!! There are more important matters than your stupidity right now! Shuichi’s love life is at stake! 

Emo: My… love life? 

Vriska: Well you and Kokichi like each other right?

Probably a Yandere —> Tsumugi (ok update i changed it so these are their contact names. They won’t know each other’s contact name unless they’re told.)

Probably a Yandere : How do you know 

Probably a Yandere : Did Kaede tell you?

Probably a Yandere : No… she wouldn’t spill my secret like that……

Tsumugi: I actually figured it out myself!

Probably a Yandere : W

Probably a Yandere : Really?

Tsumugi: Well yea, it’s kinda obvious 

Tsumugi: At least to someone who’s watched as many romantic animes as I have!

Tsumugi: You show all the signs of a shy lovestruck protag!!! 

Probably a Yandere : Um

Probably a Yandere : Is that a good thing…? 

Tsumugi: Well, he likes you back, so I’d say yes

Probably a Yandere : Wait really?!?!?! How can you be sure? You have to be 100% sure

Tsumugi: Oh trust me Shuichi, he does

Probably a Yandere : Hm…. alright. 

Probably a Yandere : Thanks I think?

Tsumugi: No problem!!!!! Can’t wait to cross Saiouma off of my ship list!

Probably a Yandere : Your what?

Tsumugi: Um, forget you read that

Ultimate Weenies

Small shlong: EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP

Sodass: NOT UNTIL YOU TELL MIU TO STOP HITTING ME

Miubs: STOP BEING AN IDIOT THEN YOU ABORTION

Sodass: AHAHJZKAANKASKKS HAJIME HELP MEEEEEEEEE

_ AhOJe left the chat _

Sodass: HAJIMEEEEE NOOOO

Small shlong: AHAHAHA HE FUCKIN LEFT THE CHAT

Emo: What…..What happened here?

Lesbian power: idk I’ve been watching and laughing this whole time. 

Weed: methinks

Weed: t

Weed: hat

Weed: we shou

Weed: ld all jus 

Weed: t chill outtt

Weed: yea 😃

Lesbian: looks who’s high everyone!

Miubs: MOTHERFUCKER are you getting high without me?!?!?

Weed: yea 😂

Hiyokowo: GROSS WHY DID YOU INFECT MY NOTIFICATIONS WITH THAT EMOJI YOU SICK PIG

Weed: 😂😂

Hiyokowo: STOP IT 

Weed: 😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣😂🤣😂🤣

Hiyokowo: I HATE YOU YOU STUPID FUCKING DISAPPOINTMENT

Weed: 🤣

Emo: What happened here…

Small shlong: dumbass got high

Emo: Um… which dumbass?

Small shlong: big hair guy, should be out of high school

Emo: Oh, Hiro!

Hiyokowo: i’m gonna rip out his hair from his skin piece by piece

Sodass: lmao what

Hiyokowo: think I won’t?

Hiyokowo: I will

Sodass: w

Weed: deadass?

Hiyokowo: YES I FUCKING HATE YOU

Weed: 😂

Hiyokowo: ASHSAJKFKSVKDZNVKNEAKJSDNKWHSBVKN

Small shlong: good job, you broke her

Sodass: i’m actually concerned for hiro tho?

Emo: I’m concerned for all of you 

Lesbian power: lol

Lesbian power: wait should we add hajime back to the chat? 

Sodass: lmao no

Emo: Why not?

Small shlong: to annoy him

Emo: Oh

10:05 pm

Ultimate Weenies

Hoe-pe: Hey

Hoe-pe: It’s hajime

Hoe-pe: Add me back

G4m3r: notice who’s account he’s using 

Hoe-pe: Chiaki w h y

Sodass: SUS

Hoe-pe: It’s really nothing

Me-oda: DO YOU THINK THEY’RE MAKING OUT AGAIN??

Sodass: lol probably 

Junky funky: nagito’s GROSS why would you even want to kiss him?

Hoe-pe: HEY

Hoe-pe: I mean

Hoe-pe: Hey

Hoe-pe: Stop that

G4m3r: Hajime’s simping,,,,,,,again

Hoe-pe: IM NOT SIMPING 

Hoe-pe: JUST ADD ME BACK 

Me-oda: SIMPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!

Simp: so now that hajime’s a simp can i not have this name anymore?

My-zono: no

Simp: WHAT why not

My-zono: because you’re still a simp lol

Simp: sayaka p l e a s e

Simp: im not THAT much of a simp

Me-oda: HEY! I THINK SAYAKA JUST FELL

Simp: WJAT

Simp: IS SHSE OK???>z?>?

Simp: UM??????>/>?

Junky funky: hes STUPID stupid

Junky funky: haha stupid, ironic

My-zono: simp spotted!!

Simp: w

Simp: WAIT A FUCKING SECOND

Simp: ASSHOLES

G4m3r: leon vs. hajime, battle of the simps

Simp: ok im not a simp but i’d win

Aka-mine-tsu: Sorry Leon, but you’re not winning against Hajime’s phat tits 😔

Simp: WHY ARE ALL OF THE MUSICAL TALENTS GOING AGAINT ME

Aka-mine-tsu: Because you keep sneaking into the music hall!! >:( 

Simp: no proof

Aka-mine-tsu: >:(((((((((

Avocockdo: kaede angy

Aka-mine-tsu: :0

Avocockdo: kaede no longer angy

Avocockdo: :)

Aka-mine-tsu: :)

Junky funky: that was grossly wholesome

Junky funky: stop it

Me-oda: NO!!!! IBUKI SAYS LET THEM FLIRT!!!!!!!

Aka-mine-tsu: flirt? 

My-zono: yea duhhhh

My-zono: it’s cute

Aka-mine-tsu: psshhhhh we’re not

Aka-mine-tsu: we’re friends

Aka-mine-tsu: doin friend things 

Aka-mine-tsu: yep

Simp: hmm press x to doubt

My-zono: x

Me-oda: X

Junky funky: x

G4m3r: x

Sodass: x

Aka-mine-tsu: um

Aka-mine-tsu: go back to the simp fight!!

Miubs: OH FUCK i missed a lot

Miubs: fuckin idiot, they’re BOTH simps

Miubs: also kaediot, just make out with cuntaro already JEEZ 

Miubs:😜

Hoe-pe: Um, this is Nagito again unfortunately

Hoe-pe: Hajime refuses to respond but he’s says he’s not a simp

Hoe-pe: and I know it’s not my place, but I think we should listen to him

Junky funky: oh my god they simp for each other

Me-oda: SIMP TOGETHER STAY TOGETHER ❤

G4m3r: my two best friends simp for each other damn

My-zono: hmmm Leon they may beat you on the simp scale but ONLY because they simp for each other

Simp: if one more person calls me a simp im cancelling them on twitter

My-zono: HJSKSAKFJAKSJ NOOOOOO

Sodass: AHAHAJAJSJAFJFL

Miubs: OH MY FUCKING GOSDKKAFLGG

Me-oda: 😨😨😨😨😨😨

Junky funky: AHAHAHAHA IM IMMUNE TO TWITTER YOU FOOL

Simp: HOW TF ARE YOU IMMUNE TO TWITTER?!?!?!?

Knifey wifey: Her twitter is a warzone.

Junky funky: yea 💕

G4m3r: twitter scares me i hardly ever use it,,,,,,,,

My-zono: I can’t afford to be cancelled

My-zono: but Leon forgets I could also cancel him

My-zono: example: august 14th, 12:16 am, text messages

Simp: NO NON BODMDND

Simp: SAYAKA LETS NOT

My-zono: “ nooo sayaka don’t die ur so thicc ahahahaha. titties yea”

Knifey wifey: What. The fuck. 

Me-oda: PPFFFAHSJAKFJADSG

Aka-mine-tsu: Leon why?

Simp: I WAS TIRED

Sodass: felt that bro 

Miubs: AHASKKAKF TITTIES YEA IM CACKLING 

Junky funky: OH MY FCKING GOD AJAKSCSAS, LEON UR SO STUPID

Simp: i hate all of you

My-zono: :(

Simp: h 

Simp: fine not you

My-zono: :) 

Miubs: I have a fat ass and fat tits can I be forgiven?

Simp: no

Miubs: This is so unfair 

Miubs: WHY WONT PEOPLE SIMP FOR ME

Miubs: @Robo-babey SIMP FOR ME PLEASE

Robo-babey: What does simp mean?

Miubs: LOVE AND CHERISH ME DAMMIT

Robo-babey: But I already love and cherish you!

Miubs: i

Miubs: asjhajdafadkfadkfjadfa,dna,fnasjfnknzv

Miubs: hhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Robo-babey: Um… Miu?

Aka-mine-tsu: You may wanna check on her

Robo-babey: I’m on it! 

11:47 pm 

Kaede simp → Annoyance 

Kaede simp: Kokichi

Kaede simp: Kokichi

Kaede simp: You have your read history on I know you’re reading this

Annoyance: nihihi, no I don’t stupid! 

Kaede simp: Well I got you to talk right?

Annoyance: >:( 

Annoyance: what do you need from my fabulous self? I was busy stealing from principal kirigiris office! 

Kaede simp: Sure

Kaede simp: Can you meet me in the gym tomorrow after school? I need to talk to you about something

Annoyance: why can’t you tell me here hmmmmm? Are you going to confess your love for me? Finally!!

Kaede simp: You literally made my contact “Kaede simp”, so no

Kaede simp: But it needs to be in person

Annoyance: finnnnneeeeee

Annoyance: but if it’s not interesting i’m gonna tell Kaede about how you wanna kiss her stupid face with your greasy avocado lips!

Kaede simp: I think it’ll be interesting

Annoyance: awwww man now im interested!!! damn you avocado man 

Kaede simp: Yea yea, thanks

Kaede simp: See ya

Annoyance: byyyyyyeeeeeee stupid! 

Rantaro → Kokichi’s crush lol

Kokichi’s crush lol: so um

Kokichi’s crush lol: Did he says yes

Rantaro: Yep

Kokichi’s crush lol: Ahhh thank you!

Rantaro: No problem

Kokichi’s crush lol: Can I make it up to you? I’d be happy to

Rantaro: Hm

Rantaro: Maybe

Rantaro: I’ll keep it in mind 

Rantaro: But for now focus on your mans

Kokichi’s crush lol: Ahhjkskdlldl

Kokichi’s crush lol: Technically he’s not yet

Kokichi’s crush lol: So uh

Kokichi’s crush lol: Yea

Rantaro: He will be lol

Kokichi’s crush lol: AH

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why am i trying to make a chatfic slowburn? I'm just stupid like that
> 
> Hope you liked this chapter! This plot is so wack but ummm yea. 
> 
> Have a great day everyone!!


End file.
